Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
I drink to make other people interesting.