Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
I drink to make other people interesting.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.