You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm.
Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.
When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Having children is my greatest achievement. It was my saviour. It switched my focus from the outside to the inside. My children are gifts, they remind me of what's important.
It's hard having kids because it's boring... It's just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.
A relationship is hard in and of itself. And having kids is really hard work, but I think it's really meaningful, as is a relationship. But they all take work.
Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.
There are times when parenthood seems nothing more than feeding the hand that bites you.
I work out every day. It's part of my life. That's one of the benefits of having kids in school full-time.
Having kids has been a fantastic thing for me. It's meant that I'm a little more balanced. In my twenties I worked massively, hardly took vacation at all. Now, I, with the help of my wife, I'm always making sure I've got a good balance of how I spend my time.
People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change my life.
I was never one of those girls who dreamt of Prince Charming. To piss off my mom, I would say, 'I'm never having kids and I'm going to be a fabulously rich old maid with cute butlers and dogs.'
Yeah, I finished, it was hard. Those last five miles. It was like giving birth and then being told to run as you're giving birth. It was so much pain in my hips. I don't know if women are meant to run, especially after having kids.