If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.
These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
Swing hard in case you hit it.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.