A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who's allowed to sit down occasionally.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again.
A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
To go to the Oscars for 'Moneyball' - that was pretty amazing.
The best number for a dinner party is two; myself and a damn good head waiter.
I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour.
Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else - and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian?
The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"
God finally caught his eye.
The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
When you find a waiter who is a waiter and not an actor, writer, musician or poet, you've found a jewel.
It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky.
I don't like Switzerland; it has produced nothing but theologians and waiters.
When I was a waiter, I wanted to be the best waiter I could be and worked to be better at it every day.