Democracy is defended in 3 stages. Ballot Box, Jury Box, Cartridge Box.
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
Disobey n:To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.
TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth while, But be in mind a little out of style.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.
Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.
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