Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.
Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
To the eye of failure success is an accident.
Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.
Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.
Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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