Living too long exacts a painful price.
Dieting is our last tie with asceticism.
Never invite to dinner: those who won't decide until the last minute; those who come more than half an hour late; those who want to bring along two or three friends; drunks; monologists; those who stay until three o'clock in the morning; those who think that conversation means having an argument; those who take a high moral tone; those who are stupid, ugly, or dull. Enforcement of these rules will enable one to eat alone every night in comfort.
The Simple Life is not a simple life.
Illusions are hazardous, and so are disillusions.
Alcohol postpones anxiety, then multiplies it.
Everyone fears and courts his own demon.
The bathroom scale knows nothing of extenuating circumstances.
Contempt for others, like masturbation, is best as a secret pleasure.
Acknowledge your limitations or they will tyrannize over you.
Beggars market their incapacity.
I am interested in a hundred things, but only slightly.
My regimen is lust and avarice for exercise, gluttony and sloth for relaxation.
The best hand always believes in playing by the rules.
Sincerity guarantees nothing but itself.
Magic trick: to make people disappear, ask them to fulfill their promises.
To understand a literary style, consider what it omits.
In every death, a busy world comes to an end.
The best propaganda omits rather than invents
As every cockroach knows, thriving on poisons is the secret of success.
Indifference is an excellent substitute for patience.
Eternity eludes us, even as a thought.
Talk about yourself as much as you like, but do not expect others to listen.
When lying to someone, look him straight in the eye.
To make a thought my own, I must think it often.
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