One's need for loneliness is not satisfied if one sits at a table alone. There must be empty chairs as well.
Barbershop conversations are irrefutable proof that heads exist for the sake of hair.
The trouble with Germans is not that they fire shells, but that they engrave them with quotations from Kant.
In case of doubt, decide in favor of what is correct.
Religion, morality, and patriotism are feelings that are manifested only when they are outraged.
One of the most widespread diseases is diagnosis.
Psychoanalysis: a rabbit that was swallowed by a boa constrictor just wanted to see what it was like in there.
Education is what most receive, many pass on, and few possess.
A school without grades must have been concocted by someone who was drunk on non-alcoholic wine.
If you wish to form a clear judgment on your friends, consult your dreams.
Morality is the tendency to pour out the baby with the bathwater.
What the teachers digest, the pupils eat.
Intercourse with a woman is sometimes a satisfactory substitute for masturbation. But it takes a lot of imagination to make it work.
I have often been asked to be fair and view a matter from all sides. I did so, hoping that something might improve if I viewed allsides of it. But the result was the same. So I went back to viewing things only from one side, which saves me a lot of work and disappointment. For it is comforting to regard something as bad and to be able to use one's prejudice as an excuse.
There are two kinds of writers, those who are and those who aren't. With the first, content and form belong together like soul and body; with the second, they match each other like body and clothes.
Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.
Sound opinions are valueless. What matters is who holds them.
There are writers who can express in as little as twenty pages what I occasionally need as many as two for.
A weak man has doubts before a decision; a strong man has them afterwards.
A healthy man is content with a woman. An erotic man is content with a stocking to get to a woman. A sick man is content with thestocking.
Democracy divides people into workers and loafers. It makes no provision for those who have no time to work.
How is the world ruled and led to war? Diplomats lie to journalists and believe these lies when they see them in print.
Medicine: "Your money and your life!
There is no more unfortunate creature under the sun than a fetishist who yearns for a woman's shoe and has to settle for the whole woman.
To be sure, the dog is loyal. But why, on that account, should we take him as an example? He is loyal to man, not to other dogs.
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