I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
The term 'working mother' is redundant.
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.
It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.
I love my mother for all the times she said absolutely nothing.... Thinking back on it all, it must have been the most difficult part of mothering she ever had to do: knowing the outcome, yet feeling she had no right to keep me from charting my own path. I thank her for all her virtues, but mostly for never once having said, "I told you so.
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.
Adults are always telling young people, 'These are the best years of your life.' Are they? I don't know. Sometimes when adults say this to children I look into their faces. They look like someone on the top seat of the Ferris wheel who has had too much cotton candy and barbecue. They'd like to get off and be sick but everyone keeps telling them what a good time they're having.
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
To say, "Well, I write when I really get into it" is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.
. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.
Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
A child needs your love most when he deserves it least
Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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