Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.
The truly civilized man is always skeptical and tolerant, in this field as in all others. His culture is based on 'I am not too sure'.
Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sign that he expects to be paid for it.
Religion, after all, is nothing but an hypothesis framed to account for what is evidentially unaccounted for.
Government today is growing too strong to be safe. There are no longer any citizens in the world there are only subjects. They work day in and day out for their masters they are bound to die for their masters at call. Out of this working and dying they tend to get less and less.
Those who can't teach - administrate. Those who can't administrate - go into politics.
It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself up out of the dark abyss of pish and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash.
Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails.
He marries best who puts it off until it is too late.
What ass first let loose the doctrine that the suffrage is a high boon and voting a noble privilege?
There has been no organized effort to keep government down since Jefferson's day. Ever since then the American people have been bolstering up its powers and giving it more and more jurisdiction over their affairs. They pay for that folly in increased taxes and diminished liberties.
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone.
We suffer most when the White House busts with ideas.
Love is an emotion that is based on an opinion of women that is impossible for those who have had any experience with them.
I am one of the few goyim who have ever actually tackled the Talmud. I suppose you now expect me to add that it is a profound and noble work, worthy of hard study by all other goyims. Unhappily, my report must differ from this expectation. It seems to me, save for a few bright spots, to be quite indistinguishable from rubbish.
Courtroom : A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds favoring Judas.
I believe that it should be perfectly lawful to print even things that outrage the pruderies and prejudices of the general, so long as any honest minority, however small, wants to read them. The remedy of the majority is not prohibition, but avoidance.
Adultery is the application of democracy to love.
Skin diseases are something doctors like, the patient neither dies nor gets well.
In the duel of sex woman fights from a dreadnought and man from an open raft.
I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave.
Always remember this: If you don't attend the funerals of your friends, they will certainly not attend yours.
The truth, indeed, is something that mankind, for some mysterious reason, instinctively dislikes. Every man who tries to tell it is unpopular, and even when, by the sheer strength of his case, he prevails, he is put down as a scoundrel.
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