This is the band Radical Posture, and my name is Alexei Yuri Gagarin Siege of Stalingrad Glorious Five-Year Plan Sputnik Pravda Moscow Dynamo Back Four Balowski. Me Dad was a bit of a Communist, know what I mean?
If you travel to the States... they have a lot of different words than like what we use. For instance: they say 'elevator', we say 'lift'; they say 'drapes', we say 'curtains'; they say 'president', we say 'seriously deranged git.'
Honestly, sometimes I get really fed up of my subconscious - it's like it's got a mind of its own.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
If sitcoms were easy to write, there'd be a lot of good ones, and there aren't.
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say 'elevator', we say 'lift'... they say 'President', we say 'stupid psychopathic git.
Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, may have had his charms, but he really couldn't be considered hip.
There's a part of me that still hates everything, and my natural view default setting is still very cynical and dark
If I won the lottery I'd start a charity that helped little family hardware stores, cobblers and fruit shops open in city centres.
Israel is the Jimmy Saville of nation states.
I have a lot of nice Italian winter clothes that make me look like a sophisticated Lebanese professor, so my friend Robert and I go around pretending to be experts in Arabic politics. It doesn't work in the summer though. I don't have the right clothes.
A lot of those comics can't hold down relationships and they've got no other life apart from performing. They sleep in their Jags and a lot of them can't even talk. All they can do is tell gags.
But as in all cults, what's central to the Communist Party is the belief system and the elimination of nuance. From there you're very slowly led down the road to fanaticism and mass murder.
I've been going to Granada for many years and 12 years ago bought a house a few miles outside the city.
Even a blind dog can find a bone every so often.
I feel sorry for many politicians we expect them to be completely consistent and moralised when we're not.
I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that.
However, my problems with my memory are further complicated by the fact that while I don't have any recollection of things I have actually done, I have very vivid recollections of loads of things that I haven't done.
The optimum frequency with which comedians should do a series is every year. I do one every three years. My audience is literally dying off.
Everyone I used to work with is still alive and can afford expensive lawyers.
You can't do comedy with a beard.
Most of the Communists I knew were nice people.
I exist as an annexe of the BBC. I'm down the road a bit from the main building, in a little hut.
It always seemed to be a constant that my parents were political.
It seems easier to make a career out of comedy now than it was in the 1980s.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends