If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
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