Funny Quotes - Page 6

• Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Inspirational, Graduation, Dance

  100 Copy quote

• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  Benjamin Franklin, William Temple Franklin (1819). “The Posthumous and Other Writings of Benjamin Franklin ...”, p.290

  288 Copy quote

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• I drink to make other people more interesting.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Life, Drinking, Bad Ass

  "How To Be Interesting: Simple Ways to Increase Your Personal Appeal". Book by David Gillespie, Mark Warren, 2013.

  241 Copy quote

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• Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

  Anthony Griffin

  Dog, Real, Animal

  268 Copy quote

• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

  Mark Twain

  Witty, Inspirational Life, Food

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.9, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

  206 Copy quote

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• Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

  Stephen Colbert

  Trust, Children, Comedian

  69 Copy quote

• Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

  Matt Groening

  Life, Humor, Son

  "Fictional character: Homer Simpson". "The Simpsons". Season 4, Episode 1: "Kamp Krusty", www.imdb.com. September 24, 1992.

  232 Copy quote

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• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Life, Anniversary

  245 Copy quote

• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Hilarious, Sarcastic

  129 Copy quote

• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

  Timothy Leary

  Hilarious, Girly, Strong Women

  "Third and Possibly the Best 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said". Book by Robert Byrne, No. 40, 1986.

  287 Copy quote

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• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

  Steven Wright

  Witty, Laughter, Humor

  "Steven Wright Special". Comedy, 1985.

  209 Copy quote

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• To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

  Doug Larson

  Inspirational, Life, Erring

  125 Copy quote

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

  Steven Wright

  Clever, Business, Smart

  72 Copy quote

• The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

  Robert Bloch

  Smile, Hilarious, Witty

  109 Copy quote

• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  George Carlin

  Sarcastic, Witty, Humorous

  100 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

  Henny Youngman

  Inspirational, Success, Hilarious

  73 Copy quote

• Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop

  Gertrude Stein

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  133 Copy quote

• 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

  George Carlin

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Witty

  53 Copy quote

• If you're going through hell, keep going.

  Winston Churchill

  Inspirational, Motivational, Change

  287 Copy quote

• Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.

  Daniel J. Boorstin

  Education, Teacher, Witty

  "A Case of Hypochondria". Newsweek, July 6, 1970.

  109 Copy quote

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• Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

  Ronald Reagan

  Baby, Military, Humor

  Ronald Reagan, Bill Adler (1981). “The Reagan wit”, Jameson Books

  264 Copy quote

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• A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

  W. C. Fields

  Sarcastic, Money, Men

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  337 Copy quote

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• 

  Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

  Bernard Baruch

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  223 Copy quote

• My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

  Billy Connolly

  Music, Witty, Humorous

  139 Copy quote

• People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.

  Zig Ziglar

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  FaceBook post by Zig Ziglar from Sep 22, 2016

  80 Copy quote

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