Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
If you're going through hell, keep going.
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
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