The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection
The road to success is always under construction.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
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