Comedian Quotes

• Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Change

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1988). “The Will Rogers scrapbook”, Random House Value Publishing

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• I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Stupid People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

  Alan Moore

  Humor, Realizing, Make Sense

  "Fictional character: Edward Blake". "Watchmen", www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Dream, Revolutionary Ideas

  "Bill Hicks: Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

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• Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Funny, Humor, People

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• The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

  George Jean Nathan

  Funny, Real, Humor

  American Mercury, Sept. 1929

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• Don't censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.

  Jon Stewart

  Ignorance, Comforting, Ignorant People

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• Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be.

  Fanny Brice

  Inspirational, Being Yourself, Self Esteem

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.

  Pat Paulsen

  Rights, Law, Knowing

  53 Copy quote

• Keep laughing. As long as you’re laughing you still have hope.

  Moe Howard

  Inspirational, Hope, Laughter

  62 Copy quote
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  I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy
  because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless
  and they don't want anyone else to feel like that.

  Robin Williams

  Inspirational, Change, Happiness

  106 Copy quote
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  Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Likes, Remember, Grammar

  FaceBook post by Jim Gaffigan from Apr 24, 2012

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• They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven't proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven't seen the stats on that yet.

  Bill Hicks

  Life, Smoking, Quitting

  "Dark Poet". Stand-up show, 1991.

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• In the dark times, if you have something to hold on to, which is yourself, you'll survive.

  Whoopi Goldberg

  Inspirational, Encouraging, Uplifting

  "Happy 60th Birthday, Whoopi Goldberg! Our Favorite Quotes From The Actress" by Jeryl Brunner, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 14, 2015.

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• Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it.

  Louis C. K.

  Editors, Feelings, Feeling Lost

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• Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

  Buster Keaton

  Funny, Humorous, Long

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Podcasting, Entertainment

  Twitter post from May 15, 2014

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• It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

  Harry Hill

  Funny, Nature, Glasses

  "Harry Hill". TV Series, 1997 - 2000.

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• What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

  Louis C. K.

  Funny, Death, Happens

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• People have been telling me I'm a failure and that I'm doing it all wrong for 20 years now. Never trust anybody when they tell you how your story goes. You know your story. You write your own story.

  Kevin Smith

  Life, Trust, Failure

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• You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.

  Mike Birbiglia

  Sarcastic, Education, Religious

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• When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

  Louis C. K.

  Broken Heart, Hurt, Pain

  "Fictional character: Louie". "Louie/ Cop Story", www.imdb.com. 2015.

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• It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.

  Jon Stewart

  Zoos, Stupid, Mad

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• Steven Alan Green is ONE funny writer ---- Everything I read of yours makes me laugh and think - Not just the kind words about meBut the insights you have for the Comedy racket.You're Barbara Hershey, we are beaches.

  Taylor Negron

  Beach, Laughter, Thinking

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• I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?

  Dave Chappelle

  Rights, Self, Support

  "Banned Harry Hill gag shows a shift in attitudes to both comedy and gender" by Brian Logan, www.theguardian.com. September 29, 2016.

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