Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.
It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me about new Zoloft or Prozac and now I just take three pills a day and I blend right into this horrible inbred corporate landscape.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
Comedians are really writers who don't
have pens and pencils about them, but
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
Cat food. It stinks a bit, but if you don't put up with the smell, the little kitten will die.
Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.
It is better to look good than to feel good.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake
I'm happy to say that I'm a lesbian in the world. I know there are people who don't want to be called women comedians, but I think it gives a path to the fact that we live in extremely patriarchal times.
I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I want to deny you the relief of the punchline.
Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
The comedians all finished their acts with a song. They would get a certain amount of money from the song publishers and would use that money to pay the writers. None of them paid very much for their comedy material, but it all added up.
It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.
Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience.
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