Comedy Quotes

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  There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  93 Copy quote
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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1521 Copy quote

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• 

  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

  George Burns

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humor

  123 Copy quote
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  Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

  Sid Caesar

  Laughter, Integrity, Humor

  "The words and comedy of Sid Caesar" by Lisa Respers France, February 12, 2014.

  21 Copy quote

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• Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

  Sholom Aleichem

  Life, Wise, Dream

  63 Copy quote

• My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

  Adam Sandler

  Different, Hell, Knows

  5 Copy quote

• My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Moving, Funny Relationship, Florida

  3 Copy quote

• I also want to return to doing stand-up. I've become frightened of live audiences. This is a really telling sign that I need to go back on the comedy circuit again.

  Johnny Vegas

  Las Vegas, Needs, Want

  3 Copy quote

• My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Family, Time

  14 Copy quote

• I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Time, Humor

  3 Copy quote

• Life doesn't make any sense, and we all pretend it does. Comedy's job is to point out that it doesn't make sense, and that it doesn't make much difference anyway.

  Eric Idle

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  12 Copy quote

• Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

  Chelsea Handler

  Funny, Women, Love You

  Chelsea Handler (2009). “Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea”, p.112, Simon and Schuster

  8 Copy quote

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• Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.

  Edmund Gwenn

  Dying, Easy, Hard

  7 Copy quote

• I don't want to sit and cry for an hour in a movie. I'd rather have an action or a comedy.

  Noah Hathaway

  Want, Action, Cry

  3 Copy quote

• It's hard enough to write a good drama, it's much harder to write a good comedy, and it's hardest of all to write a drama with comedy. Which is what life is.

  Jack Lemmon

  Drama, Writing, Hard Life

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  34 Copy quote

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• Women and minorities have excelled beautifully in comedy, but very few women are the lead in a drama.

  Sharon Gless

  Drama, Minorities, Lead In

  7 Copy quote

• Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.

  Jerry Stiller

  Creativity, Creative, Growing

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  3 Copy quote

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• There's a lot of comedy in Intermission but it's got this depth. It's not comedy for comedy's sake - it's informed by something else. I like stuff like that

  Cillian Murphy

  Depth, Stuff, Sake

  5 Copy quote

• You can think of Hollywood as high school. TV actors are freshmen, comedy actors are maybe juniors, and dramatic actors - they're the cool seniors.

  Owen Wilson

  Senior, School, Thinking

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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• I never thought of myself in comedy at all... I loved going to the theatre and seeing people wearing beautiful clothes come down the staircase and start to dance.

  Imogene Coca

  Beautiful, Clothes, People

  "1950's TV Star Imogene Coca Dies at 92" by Donna Tommelleo, abcnews.go.com.

  3 Copy quote

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• I think in life, the sense of humor and comedy always exists.

  Mike Epps

  Thinking, Sense Of Humor

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  3 Copy quote

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• I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage

  Todd Barry

  Monday, Mean, Sunday

  3 Copy quote

• People know me. I'm not going to produce any cartwheels out there. I'm not going to belong on Comedy Central. I'll always be a tennis player, not a celebrity.

  Pete Sampras

  Sports, Player, People

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  84 Copy quote

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• When you are the lead in a romantic comedy, you have to worry about people really liking you.

  Morris Chestnut

  Romantic, People, Worry

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  3 Copy quote

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• Blonde is dumb comedy, red hair is smart, sexy comedy.

  Lisa Kudrow

  Sexy, Smart, Stupid

  42 Copy quote