There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.
Comedy naturally wears itself out - destroys the very food on which it lives; and by constantly and successfully exposing the follies and weaknesses of mankind to ridicule, in the end leaves itself nothing worth laughing at.
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
Comedy keeps the heart sweet.
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.
Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.
What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
Comedy comes from conflict, from hatred.
Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.
Comedy is so fun. I don't know how these people can make movies and work on them for four months and they're these sob stories. I don't know how emotionally you get through that.
Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor.
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