Comedy Quotes

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  There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  113 Copy quote
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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1731 Copy quote

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  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

  George Burns

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humor

  134 Copy quote

• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Makeup, Color

  19 Copy quote

• Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

  Sholom Aleichem

  Life, Wise, Dream

  88 Copy quote

• Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

  Peter Ustinov

  Funny, Laughter, Creativity

  Peter Ustinov (1969). “The wit of Peter Ustinov”

  62 Copy quote

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  Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

  Sid Caesar

  Laughter, Integrity, Humor

  "The words and comedy of Sid Caesar" by Lisa Respers France, February 12, 2014.

  27 Copy quote

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• Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

  Garry Shandling

  Survival, Defense, Able

  58 Copy quote

• Comedy naturally wears itself out - destroys the very food on which it lives; and by constantly and successfully exposing the follies and weaknesses of mankind to ridicule, in the end leaves itself nothing worth laughing at.

  William Hazlitt

  Laughing, Weakness, Ends

  William Hazlitt (2015). “Delphi Collected Works of William Hazlitt (Illustrated)”, p.180, Delphi Classics

  8 Copy quote

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• I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  40 Copy quote

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• The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.

  Bill Hicks

  Light, Laughing, People

  11 Copy quote

• And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.

  Robert Klein

  Drama, School, Yale

  "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

  7 Copy quote

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• A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Book, Writing

  Ernest Hemingway, Carlos Baker (2003). “Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961”, p.139, Simon and Schuster

  13 Copy quote

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• Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

  Mark Twain

  Sweet, Heart

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.61, Courier Corporation

  13 Copy quote

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• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Hurt, Laughter

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.139, Open Road Media

  29 Copy quote

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• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  96 Copy quote

• God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

  Garrison Keillor

  Funny, Life, Encouraging

  "Happy to be Here". Book by Garrison Keillor, 1983.

  35 Copy quote

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• You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

  Bob Hope

  Tired, Exhausted, Take Time

  17 Copy quote

• Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

  Will Durst

  Happiness, Laughter, Fear

  46 Copy quote

• What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

  Steve Martin

  Art, People, Laughing

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  31 Copy quote

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• To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Life

  Love and Death, www.imdb.com. 1975.

  22 Copy quote

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• Comedy comes from conflict, from hatred.

  Warren Mitchell

  Hatred, Conflict

  8 Copy quote

• Creative comedy is like growing geraniums in a mine field.

  Jerry Stiller

  Creativity, Creative, Growing

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

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• Comedy is so fun. I don't know how these people can make movies and work on them for four months and they're these sob stories. I don't know how emotionally you get through that.

  Colleen Haskell

  Fun, People, Stories

  11 Copy quote

• Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor.

  Brittany Daniel

  Very Cool, Hard

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

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