Comedy Quotes

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  There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  94 Copy quote
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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1542 Copy quote

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• 

  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

  George Burns

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humor

  124 Copy quote

• Comedy is much more challenging, because you have to have the same level of belief but you have to make people laugh, and that's definitely a challenge.

  Jenna Elfman

  People, Laughing, Challenges

  Interview with Lila Holland, www.tv.com. June 14, 2006.

  8 Copy quote

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• 

  Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

  Sid Caesar

  Laughter, Integrity, Humor

  "The words and comedy of Sid Caesar" by Lisa Respers France, February 12, 2014.

  21 Copy quote

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• Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

  Sholom Aleichem

  Life, Wise, Dream

  64 Copy quote

• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Hurt, Laughter

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.139, Open Road Media

  21 Copy quote

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• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  82 Copy quote

• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Makeup, Color

  15 Copy quote

• You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

  Bob Hope

  Tired, Exhausted, Take Time

  12 Copy quote

• God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

  Garrison Keillor

  Funny, Life, Encouraging

  "Happy to be Here". Book by Garrison Keillor, 1983.

  29 Copy quote

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• I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  36 Copy quote

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• Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

  Mark Twain

  Sweet, Heart

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.61, Courier Corporation

  10 Copy quote

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• Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes.

  Aries Spears

  Thinking, Able, Kind

  5 Copy quote

• A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

  Woody Allen

  Love, Funny, Life

  Love and Death, www.imdb.com. 1975.

  17 Copy quote

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• Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.

  Angela Carter

  Funny, Humor, People

  Angela Carter (2012). “Wise Children”, p.213, Random House

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• All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

  Charlie Chaplin

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  My Autobiography ch. 10 (1964)

  11 Copy quote

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• My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian.

  Jimmy Carr

  Funny, Girlfriend, Book

  47 Copy quote

• Comedy has to be done en clair. You can't blunt the edge of wit or the point of satire with obscurity. Try to imagine a famous witty saying that is not immediately clear.

  James Thurber

  Witty, Stupid, Trying

  Letter to Malcolm Cowley on March 11, 1954. "Collecting Himself". Book by James Thurber, 1989.

  8 Copy quote

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• Comedy is an escape, not from truth but from despair; a narrow escape into faith.

  Christopher Fry

  Appreciation, Despair

  12 Copy quote

• Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

  Will Durst

  Happiness, Laughter, Fear

  42 Copy quote

• Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

  Garry Shandling

  Survival, Defense, Able

  54 Copy quote

• A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Book, Writing

  Ernest Hemingway, Carlos Baker (2003). “Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961”, p.139, Simon and Schuster

  10 Copy quote

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• Women and minorities have excelled beautifully in comedy, but very few women are the lead in a drama.

  Sharon Gless

  Drama, Minorities, Lead In

  7 Copy quote