Comedy Quotes

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  There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  105 Copy quote
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  Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Carlin on Campus". Documentary, Comedy, 1984.

  1680 Copy quote

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  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

  George Burns

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humor

  131 Copy quote

• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Makeup, Color

  17 Copy quote

• Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

  Sholom Aleichem

  Life, Wise, Dream

  79 Copy quote

• Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.

  Benny Hill

  Funny, Good Life, Military

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  26 Copy quote

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• Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

  Peter Ustinov

  Funny, Laughter, Creativity

  Peter Ustinov (1969). “The wit of Peter Ustinov”

  58 Copy quote

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• Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

  Garry Shandling

  Survival, Defense, Able

  56 Copy quote

• The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.

  Bill Hicks

  Light, Laughing, People

  8 Copy quote

• Comedy naturally wears itself out - destroys the very food on which it lives; and by constantly and successfully exposing the follies and weaknesses of mankind to ridicule, in the end leaves itself nothing worth laughing at.

  William Hazlitt

  Laughing, Weakness, Ends

  William Hazlitt (2015). “Delphi Collected Works of William Hazlitt (Illustrated)”, p.180, Delphi Classics

  6 Copy quote

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• 

  Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.

  Sid Caesar

  Laughter, Integrity, Humor

  "The words and comedy of Sid Caesar" by Lisa Respers France, February 12, 2014.

  23 Copy quote

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• The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

  Lenny Bruce

  Funny, Happiness, Fake People

  6 Copy quote

• And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.

  Robert Klein

  Drama, School, Yale

  "Larry King Live", edition.cnn.com. June 19, 2005.

  5 Copy quote

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• Unquestionably, standup comedy is and has always been an art form.

  Shelley Berman

  Art, Form

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

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• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

  Steven Wright

  Love, Dream, Funny Inspirational

  27 Copy quote

• To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.

  Elayne Boosler

  Keys, Silence, Quiet

  12 Copy quote

• Avoiding humiliation is the core of tragedy and comedy.

  John Guare

  Tragedy, Humiliation, Avoiding

  John Guare (2002). “The House of Blue Leaves and Chaucer in Rome”, p.5, The Overlook Press

  4 Copy quote

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• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

  George Burns

  Funny, Life, Humor

  89 Copy quote

• A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Book, Writing

  Ernest Hemingway, Carlos Baker (2003). “Ernest Hemingway Selected Letters 1917-1961”, p.139, Simon and Schuster

  11 Copy quote

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• I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  38 Copy quote

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• Anyone can write. But comedy, you've got to do some writing. You get one comedy script to every 20 dramas.

  Michael Caine

  Drama, Writing, Scripts

  16 Copy quote

• I always loved comedy but I didn't start formally until I was in college.

  Ana Gasteyer

  College

  4 Copy quote

• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.

  Bill Cosby

  Education, Sex, Believe

  93 Copy quote

• There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

  Erma Bombeck

  Happiness, Hurt, Laughter

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.139, Open Road Media

  26 Copy quote

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• Comedy is so fun. I don't know how these people can make movies and work on them for four months and they're these sob stories. I don't know how emotionally you get through that.

  Colleen Haskell

  Fun, People, Stories

  9 Copy quote