Demetri Martin Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Song, Humor

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

• It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Adults

  "Demetri Martin. Person". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Im Sorry, Humor

  TV Series "Comedy Central Presents" ("Demetri Martin", 2004), www.imdb.com. (1998– ).

• I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Size

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Garbage Disposal

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Issues

• Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Smell, Answers

• This is a pie chart about procrastination.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Procrastination, Humor

  "Demetri Martin. Person". Documentary, Comedy, Music, www.imdb.com. 2007.

• To me, comedy is a game.

  Demetri Martin

  Games, Comedy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Sports, Humor

• I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Baby, Humor

• I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Comedy, Taxpayers

• My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Nice, Dirty

• Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here."

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Kids, Your Side

• Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Mexican, Typical

• Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Humor, Example

  "Comedy Central Presents", www.imdb.com. March 19, 2004.

• The reason you often get in comedy is because you're not getting laid.

  Demetri Martin

  Comedy, Reason, Getting Laid

• I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.

  Demetri Martin

  Thinking, Tough Times, Care

• When I dropped out [from a law school], everybody was disappointed... But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Before that, I never realized how much I sought other people's approval. Once I figured that out, I was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings.

  Demetri Martin

  Moving, School, Law

  Source: www.avclub.com

• I'm very hip-oriented. I focus on hips in my comedy - probably more than any other hipster comic who is out there hipping today. My hips, other hips. I work with my hips a great deal. That is what I do. But not in a gay way.

  Demetri Martin

  Hipster, Gay, Focus

  Source: www.avclub.com

• I like stand-up. But I'd also like a family and house and a yard. I want to work with a lot of people, have colleagues; and on good film sets, there's people there that work with the same people for years and years. I love that collaborative spirit in that medium. Comedy is a lot more solitary.

  Demetri Martin

  Years, People, House

  "Demetri Martin on ‘Standup Comedian,’ Comedy Central, balance". Interview with Katie Hasty, uproxx.com. October 07, 2012.

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