Steven Wright Quotes

Quotes about:

• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Humor

  210 Copy quote

• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Ocean, Humor

  136 Copy quote

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Justice

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  25 Copy quote

• When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Teacher, School

  147 Copy quote

• always remember your unique, just like everone else

  Steven Wright

  Unique, Remember

  77 Copy quote

• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

  Steven Wright

  Inspirational, Funny, Men

  218 Copy quote

• Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

  Steven Wright

  Funny Motivational, Teaching, Math

  40 Copy quote

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  711 Copy quote

• The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

  Steven Wright

  Stars, Lying, Night

  217 Copy quote

• Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

  Steven Wright

  Hands, Watches, Thirds

  22 Copy quote

• I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

  Steven Wright

  Inferiority, Very Good, Inferiority Complex

  120 Copy quote

• Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

  Steven Wright

  69 Copy quote

• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

  169 Copy quote

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Cowboy

  61 Copy quote

• Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Stars, Believe

  117 Copy quote

• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Taste

  152 Copy quote

• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Vegetables

  75 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Firsts, Succeed

  58 Copy quote

• I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  69 Copy quote

• If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Cat

  348 Copy quote

• How come abbreviated is such a long word?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Long

  85 Copy quote

• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Writing

  26 Copy quote

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humorous, Ideas

  445 Copy quote

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  Steven Wright

  Depression, Sarcastic, Anger

  62 Copy quote

• I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  80 Copy quote

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