Groucho Marx Quotes

Quotes about:

• 

  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  186 Copy quote
• 

  Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

  Groucho Marx

  Fall, Brain, Open Minded

  71 Copy quote

• I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Witty

  30 Copy quote
• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  409 Copy quote

• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  99 Copy quote
• 

  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  113 Copy quote
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  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  503 Copy quote

• I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

  Groucho Marx

  Animal, Vegetarian

  97 Copy quote

• There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Needs, Plans

  80 Copy quote

• When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  56 Copy quote

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  77 Copy quote

• If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

  Groucho Marx

  Fun, Having Fun, Ifs

  17 Copy quote

• Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Morning, Feel Better

  32 Copy quote

• What have future generations ever done for us?

  Groucho Marx

  Generations, Done, Future Generation

  25 Copy quote

• Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life And Love, Crazy

  26 Copy quote

• Whatever it is, I'm against it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Horse Feathers (motion picture) (1932). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S. J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby.

  29 Copy quote

• My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

  Groucho Marx

  Brother, Inspiration, Thinking

  61 Copy quote

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  119 Copy quote

• I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.

  Groucho Marx

  Fun, Disagree

  26 Copy quote

• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

  61 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Funny Life, Forever

  42 Copy quote

• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

  97 Copy quote

• While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Groucho Marx

  Money, Misery, Form

  82 Copy quote

• Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Art

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", www.imdb.com. 1930.

  75 Copy quote

• Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

  Groucho Marx

  People, House, Watches

  44 Copy quote

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