Groucho Marx Quotes

Quotes about:

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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  143 Copy quote
• 

  Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

  Groucho Marx

  Fall, Brain, Open Minded

  55 Copy quote
• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  314 Copy quote
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  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  467 Copy quote

• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  81 Copy quote
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  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  99 Copy quote

• I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

  Groucho Marx

  Animal, Vegetarian

  82 Copy quote

• There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Needs, Plans

  62 Copy quote

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  64 Copy quote

• Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Morning, Feel Better

  19 Copy quote

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  101 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Funny Life, Forever

  32 Copy quote

• If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

  Groucho Marx

  Fun, Having Fun, Ifs

  8 Copy quote

• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

  80 Copy quote

• This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Groucho Marx (2017). “Groucho and Me”, p.238, Pickle Partners Publishing

  25 Copy quote

• Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.

  Groucho Marx

  Speak, Worthwhile, Certain

  51 Copy quote

• What have future generations ever done for us?

  Groucho Marx

  Generations, Done, Future Generation

  14 Copy quote

• Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Birthday, Time

  95 Copy quote

• While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Groucho Marx

  Money, Misery, Form

  70 Copy quote

• When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  40 Copy quote

• Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.

  Groucho Marx

  Lucky, Growing, Ifs

  5 Copy quote

• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

  49 Copy quote

• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  7 Copy quote

• If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

  Groucho Marx

  Eggs, Stupidity, Ham

  29 Copy quote

• Whatever it is, I'm against it.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Horse Feathers (motion picture) (1932). Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S. J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby.

  22 Copy quote

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