Groucho Marx Quotes

Quotes about:

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  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  111 Copy quote

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• 

  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  456 Copy quote

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• 

  Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

  Groucho Marx

  Fall, Brain, Open Minded

  46 Copy quote

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• I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

  Groucho Marx

  Animal, Vegetarian

  76 Copy quote

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• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  56 Copy quote

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• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  88 Copy quote

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• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  269 Copy quote

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• 

  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  92 Copy quote

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• There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Needs, Plans

  61 Copy quote

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• Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Dog, Fun

  5 Copy quote

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• What have future generations ever done for us?

  Groucho Marx

  Generations, Done, Future Generation

  12 Copy quote

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• Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

  Groucho Marx

  Eight, Four, Tables

  2 Copy quote

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• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  70 Copy quote

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• I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  22 Copy quote

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• When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  32 Copy quote

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• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

  77 Copy quote

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• While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Groucho Marx

  Money, Misery, Form

  63 Copy quote

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• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Funny Life, Forever

  28 Copy quote

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• Budget: a way of going broke methodically

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Way, Broke

  30 Copy quote

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• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

  47 Copy quote

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• Two women at a resort discussed dinner: "The food here is lousy," the first noted. "You're right! And such small portions!!" the second added

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Dinner, Firsts

  12 Copy quote

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• I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

  Groucho Marx

  Agreement, Law, Practice

  At the Circus (motion picture) (1939). Screenplay by Irving Brecher.

  17 Copy quote

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• Women should be obscene, not heard.

  Groucho Marx

  Should, Heard, Obscene

  34 Copy quote

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• Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Women

  7 Copy quote

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• Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

  Groucho Marx

  People, House, Watches

  26 Copy quote

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