Groucho Marx Quotes

Quotes about:

• 

  I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Happiness, Happy

  457 Copy quote
• 

  Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

  Groucho Marx

  Art, Freedom, Political Will

  114 Copy quote
• 

  Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.

  Groucho Marx

  Fall, Brain, Open Minded

  48 Copy quote

• I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

  Groucho Marx

  Animal, Vegetarian

  78 Copy quote
• 

  If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  273 Copy quote

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Life, Fake People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  58 Copy quote

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Education

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  90 Copy quote

• There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

  Groucho Marx

  Two, Needs, Plans

  61 Copy quote
• 

  Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  93 Copy quote

• [He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

  71 Copy quote

• While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

  Groucho Marx

  Money, Misery, Form

  65 Copy quote

• Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Life

  78 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever, or die trying.

  Groucho Marx

  Death, Funny Life, Forever

  29 Copy quote

• If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  3 Copy quote

• When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  34 Copy quote

• My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs

  Groucho Marx

  Brother, Inspiration, Thinking

  52 Copy quote

• Budget: a way of going broke methodically

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Way, Broke

  30 Copy quote

• Why would I want to join an organization that would encourage people like myself to become members.

  Groucho Marx

  Organization, People, Clubs

  19 Copy quote

• What have future generations ever done for us?

  Groucho Marx

  Generations, Done, Future Generation

  13 Copy quote

• Patience is the art of finding something else to do.

  Groucho Marx

  God, Art, Stupidity

  29 Copy quote

• Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.

  Groucho Marx

  People, House, Watches

  26 Copy quote

• I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  23 Copy quote

• I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Fear

  47 Copy quote

• I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Persons

  12 Copy quote

• If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Men

  37 Copy quote

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