Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.
What have future generations ever done for us?
Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Television is where you watch people in your living room that you would not want near your house.
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