W. C. Fields Quotes

Quotes about:

• I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

  W. C. Fields

  Gambling, Alcohol, Half

  122 Copy quote

• You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

  W. C. Fields

  People, Religion, Atheism

  79 Copy quote

• Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

  W. C. Fields

  Nice, Unhappy

  35 Copy quote

• I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

  W. C. Fields

  Indecisive, Indecision, Used

  33 Copy quote

• I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Age

  69 Copy quote

• I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

  W. C. Fields

  Emotion, Argument, Invited

  61 Copy quote

• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Dazzle, Baffled

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  109 Copy quote

• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Reality

  31 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  116 Copy quote

• First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

  W. C. Fields

  Two, Philadelphia, Firsts

  36 Copy quote

• Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Party

  77 Copy quote

• Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  88 Copy quote

• Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  105 Copy quote

• Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

  W. C. Fields

  People, Knack, Moral

  31 Copy quote

• Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Motivational, Money

  87 Copy quote

• When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Hands, Whiskey

  28 Copy quote

• Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Horse, Crazy

  71 Copy quote

• When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

  W. C. Fields

  Doctors, Undertaker

  16 Copy quote

• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

  105 Copy quote

• I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Hands, Drink

  19 Copy quote

• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Drinking, Book

  99 Copy quote

• Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

  W. C. Fields

  Sex, Beer, People

  68 Copy quote

• Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

  W. C. Fields

  Trying, Rest Of Your Life, Comedy

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.21, Rowman & Littlefield

  58 Copy quote

• Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.

  W. C. Fields

  Trust, Cutting, Cards

  47 Copy quote

• I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

  W. C. Fields

  Hate, Prejudice, Comedy

  Quoted in Saturday Review, 28 Jan. 1967

  39 Copy quote

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