W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

• Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

  W. C. Fields

  Vat, Comedy, Whiskey

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  57 Copy quote

• Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

  W. C. Fields

  Scotch, Nerves, Bartending

  45 Copy quote

• Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

  W. C. Fields

  Pockets, Abstinence, Abstaining

  11 Copy quote

• Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Smile, Morning, Cynical

  5 Copy quote

• There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

  W. C. Fields

  Eight, Body, Lawyer

  4 Copy quote

• My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humorous, Heart

  W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

  5 Copy quote

• If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

  W. C. Fields

  Saloons, Old Hollywood, Ifs

  4 Copy quote

• After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Health, Two

  4 Copy quote

• Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

  W. C. Fields

  Giving, Establishment, Middle

  6 Copy quote

• Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedian, Stealing

  4 Copy quote

• Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Humorous, Names

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.97, Rowman & Littlefield

  6 Copy quote

• The best thing to break is a contract.

  W. C. Fields

  Break, Contracts, Best Things

  5 Copy quote

• I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

  W. C. Fields

  Writing, Scripts, Found

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.376, Rowman & Littlefield

  4 Copy quote

• I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

  W. C. Fields

  Knows

  "Fictional character: The Great Man". "Never Give a Sucker an Even Break", 1941.

  4 Copy quote

• In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

  W. C. Fields

  Running, Home, Average

  "DVD Retro Rec: The W.C. Fields Comedy Collection" by Mark Bourne, www.mtv.com. September 29, 2008.

  6 Copy quote

• I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedy, Whole

  "Vanity Fair" Magazine, 1925.

  4 Copy quote

• The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

  W. C. Fields

  Twenties, Ceilings, Relief

  4 Copy quote

• Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

  W. C. Fields

  Wine, Noise

  4 Copy quote

• I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.

  W. C. Fields

  Years, Alcohol, Use

  4 Copy quote

• I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

  W. C. Fields

  Wells, Corpses

  4 Copy quote

• The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

  W. C. Fields

  Comedian, Can Do

  4 Copy quote

• Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

  W. C. Fields

  World, Chess, Worst

  4 Copy quote

• I can do anything I want to do!

  W. C. Fields

  Want, Can Do, I Can

  5 Copy quote

• I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

  W. C. Fields

  Games, United States, Shells

  4 Copy quote

• I'm searching for loopholes.

  W. C. Fields

  Loopholes

  4 Copy quote

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