W. C. Fields Quotes - Page 9

Quotes about:

Never work with animals or children.

W. C. Fields

Children, Animal

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?

W. C. Fields

Vat, Comedy, Whiskey

"Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.

W. C. Fields

Scotch, Nerves, Bartending

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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.

W. C. Fields

Pockets, Abstinence, Abstaining

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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.

W. C. Fields

Smile, Morning, Cynical

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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.

W. C. Fields

Eight, Body, Lawyer

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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?

W. C. Fields

Funny, Humorous, Heart

W. C. Fields (1970). “I Never Met a Kid I Liked”

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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

Saloons, Old Hollywood, Ifs

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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.

W. C. Fields

Funny, Health, Two

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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.

W. C. Fields

Giving, Establishment, Middle

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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

W. C. Fields

Comedian, Stealing

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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)

W. C. Fields

Funny, Humorous, Names

W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.97, Rowman & Littlefield

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The best thing to break is a contract.

W. C. Fields

Break, Contracts, Best Things

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I can do anything I want to do!

W. C. Fields

Want, Can Do, I Can

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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

W. C. Fields

Writing, Scripts, Found

W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.376, Rowman & Littlefield

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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.

W. C. Fields

Knows

"Fictional character: The Great Man". "Never Give a Sucker an Even Break", 1941.

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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.

W. C. Fields

Running, Home, Average

"DVD Retro Rec: The W.C. Fields Comedy Collection" by Mark Bourne, www.mtv.com. September 29, 2008.

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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

W. C. Fields

Comedy, Whole

"Vanity Fair" Magazine, 1925.

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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

W. C. Fields

Twenties, Ceilings, Relief

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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.

W. C. Fields

Wine, Noise

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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

W. C. Fields

Wells, Corpses

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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.

W. C. Fields

Comedian, Can Do

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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.

W. C. Fields

World, Chess, Worst

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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

W. C. Fields

Games, United States, Shells

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I'm searching for loopholes.

W. C. Fields

Loopholes

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Born: January 29, 1880
Died: December 25, 1946
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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