The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Don't find fault, find a remedy.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Never mistake motion for action.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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