The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
By the way, did you ever realize that if Moses would have turned right instead of left, we'd have had the oil, the Arabs would have had the sand?
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Never mistake motion for action.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Don't find fault, find a remedy.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
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