Humorous Quotes - Page 6

• When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

  John Major

  Funny, Motivational, Wall

  126 Copy quote

• When a man is wrapped up in himself, he makes a pretty small package.

  John Ruskin

  Motivational, Witty, Attitude

  64 Copy quote

• The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

  Brendan Behan

  Funny, Marriage, Sexy

  "Readers recommend: songs about prostitution" by Peter Kimpton, www.theguardian.com. July 24, 2014.

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• I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Time, Entrepreneur

  Provincial Letters: Letter XVI, December 4, 1656.

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• The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.

  Mark Russell

  Inspirational, Hilarious, Funny Life

  "Frequent Flyer Humor and One-Upmanship". Book by George W. Stewart, Dog Ear Publishing, p. 12, 2011.

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• The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

  Emile Zola

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  "Wisdom for the Soul : Five Millennia of Prescriptions for Spiritual Healing‎" by Larry Chang, (p. 55), 2006.

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• 

  A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

  Steve Martin

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  FaceBook post by Steve Martin from Jun 14, 2011

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• Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

  Karl Wallenda

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  47 Copy quote

• People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little.

  Jean-Jacques Rousseau

  Inspirational, Life, Men

  Jean Jacques Rousseau (2015). “Emile”, p.577, eKitap Projesi

  183 Copy quote

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• To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone may apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted.

  Michael Shurtleff

  Funny, Insane, Theatre

  Michael Shurtleff (2009). “Audition: Everything an Actor Needs to Know to Get the Part”, p.3, Bloomsbury Publishing USA

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• We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

  Jason Kidd

  Teamwork, Sports, Witty

  26 Copy quote

• As a wedding gift, Ray J gave Kim Kardashian his profits from their sex tape. It's 'Something Old' as well as 'Something Blew.'

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Wedding, Sex

  Twitter post from May 25, 2014

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• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Couple

  57 Copy quote

• The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

  Albert Einstein

  Love, Funny, Life

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.

  Rick Riordan

  Funny, Family, Fighting

  Rick Riordan (2013). “Demigods and Monsters: Your Favorite Authors on Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series”, p.111, BenBella Books, Inc.

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• Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

  Charlie Chaplin

  Rejection, Acting, Actors

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

  Milton Berle

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  25 Copy quote

• If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

  Derek Bok

  Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

  Attributed in Paul Dickson, The Official Rules (1978). An earlier occurrence, without attribution to any individual, was in Wash. Post, 6 Oct. 1975.

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• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christmas, Girl

  131 Copy quote

• I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

  Jack Lemmon

  Funny, Music, Morning

  95 Copy quote

• I think it would be a good idea.

  Mahatma Gandhi

  Witty, Powerful, Thinking

  11 Copy quote

• This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

  Dave Barry

  Funny, Italian, Friendly

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need”, p.141, Ballantine Books

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• If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Witty, Stupid People

  16 Copy quote

• Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.

  Thornton Wilder

  Encouraging, Money, Generosity

  "The Matchmaker". Play by Thornton Wilder. Act 4, 1957.

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• It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

  Albert Einstein

  Inspirational, Witty, Science

  49 Copy quote