As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
There are no ugly women, only lazy ones.
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, and there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence. Yet, government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
There's no sauce in the world like hunger.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
What do you take me for, an idiot?
How can I lose to such an idiot?
Hell is paved with good samaritans.
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
I think you want a little unofficial help. Three undetected murders in one year won't do, Lestrade. But you handled the Molesey Mystery with less than your usual - that's to say, you handled it fairly well.
Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.
Well, I'm a bacteriologist, you know. I live in a nine-hundred-diameter microscope. I can hardly claim to take serious notice of anything that I can see with my naked eye.
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