Johnny Carson Quotes

Quotes about:

• I hated my last boss. He asked, Why are you two hours late? I said, I fell downstairs. He said, That doesn't take two hours.

  Johnny Carson

  Two, Boss, Lasts

  10 Copy quote

• Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Australia, News

  68 Copy quote
• 

  I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

  Johnny Carson

  Death, Sex, Drinking

  83 Copy quote

• Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

  Johnny Carson

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  108 Copy quote

• People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

  Johnny Carson

  Education, People, Pay

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  15 Copy quote

• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Life, Clever

  36 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

  Johnny Carson

  Thanksgiving, Holiday, Emotional

  105 Copy quote

• Whatever you do, you're going to be criticized.

  Johnny Carson

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  16 Copy quote

• Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

  Johnny Carson

  Use, Littles, Comedy

  74 Copy quote

• Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

  Johnny Carson

  Success, Time, Preparation

  75 Copy quote
• 

  When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

  Johnny Carson

  Views, Way, Sense Of Humor

  Source: www.alex-haley.com

  81 Copy quote

• Happiness is being stuck in an elevator and discovering the ravishing blonde with you is a liquor salesman with a case of samples.

  Johnny Carson

  Happiness, Blonde, Liquor

  23 Copy quote
• 

  Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

  Johnny Carson

  Inspirational, Marriage, Wedding

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  80 Copy quote

• Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

  Johnny Carson

  People, House, Democracy

  71 Copy quote

• If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  25 Copy quote

• An oxymoron? What's that? A moron who studies at Oxford?

  Johnny Carson

  Oxford, Study, Oxymoron

  9 Copy quote

• May you have the income of a Republican and the sex life of a Democrat!

  Johnny Carson

  Sex, Democracy, Income

  22 Copy quote

• I'm often asked, "What is your favorite moment during the 30 years you hosted [The Tonight Show]?" I really don't have just one. The times I enjoyed the most were the spontaneous, unplanned segments that just happened, like Ed Ames' infamous "Tomahawk Toss" that produced one of the longest laughs in television history. When these lucky moments happen, you just go with them and enjoy the experience and high of the moment.

  Johnny Carson

  Years, Laughing, Lucky

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  60 Copy quote

• According to statistics, it's a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: you don't hear from your relatives.

  Johnny Carson

  Winning, Lightning, Statistics

  22 Copy quote

• I hear that whenever someone in the White House tells a lie, Nixon gets a royalty.

  Johnny Carson

  Lying, White, House

  14 Copy quote

• Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

  Johnny Carson

  New York, Humorous, Taken

  26 Copy quote

• Despite the fact that computer speeds are measured in nanoseconds and picoseconds - one billionth and one trillionth of a second, respectively - the smallest interval of time known to man is that which occurs in Manhattan between the traffic signal turning green and the taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.

  Johnny Carson

  Travel, Home, Men

  65 Copy quote
• 

  Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Happiness, Being Happy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

• Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

  Johnny Carson

  Dog, Scotch, Bottles

  61 Copy quote

• Happiness is.....finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry.

  Johnny Carson

  Two, Olives, Hungry

  36 Copy quote

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