George Carlin Quotes

Quotes about:

• Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Witty

  166 Copy quote

• Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own, and control the corporations. They've long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear.

  George Carlin

  Running, Smart, Thinking

  297 Copy quote
• 

  Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

  George Carlin

  Nature, Philosophy, Stupid

  341 Copy quote

• Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up.

  George Carlin

  Running, Independent, Media

  173 Copy quote

• Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  228 Copy quote

• Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

  George Carlin

  Faith, Children, Learning

  220 Copy quote

• The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

  George Carlin

  Philosophy, Real, Lying

  208 Copy quote

• I've set my own rules to live by. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'

  George Carlin

  Believe, Government, Rules To Live By

  60 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

  George Carlin

  Anniversary, Firsts, Succeed

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

• If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Mean

  54 Copy quote

• Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Life, Birthday

  56 Copy quote

• If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain

  George Carlin

  Office, People, Done

  95 Copy quote

• Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.

  George Carlin

  Dog, Cat, Thinking

  171 Copy quote

• This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

  George Carlin

  Country, Men, Psychics

  "You Are All Diseased". Documentary, Comedy, 1999.

  15 Copy quote

• When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.

  George Carlin

  Serious Person, Talking, Political

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  23 Copy quote

• Everyone smiles in the same language.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  76 Copy quote

• A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.

  George Carlin

  Heart, Sleep, Dental Floss

  144 Copy quote

• Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Witty

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.205, Hachette UK

  24 Copy quote

• Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

  George Carlin

  Glasses, People, Optimism

  79 Copy quote

• There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Challenges, Sides

  30 Copy quote

• Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.

  George Carlin

  Running, Smart, Thinking

  36 Copy quote

• If voting changed anything, it would be illegal.

  George Carlin

  Voting, Would Be, Illegal

  22 Copy quote

• Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Wedding, Truth

  "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?". Book by George Carlin, 2004.

  106 Copy quote

• When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Philosophy, Humor

  76 Copy quote

• If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse.

  George Carlin

  Honesty, Philosophy, Collapse

  "George Carlin: You Are All Diseased". TV Special, www.imdb.com. 1999.

  106 Copy quote

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