Bill Maher Quotes

Quotes about:

• If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

  Bill Maher

  Gun, Ifs

  67 Copy quote

• If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Names, Agnostic

  5 Copy quote

• To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Clicks, Software

  52 Copy quote

• To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

  Bill Maher

  Courage, Stupidity, Coward

  "The Left Grapples With Charlie Hebdo" by Bill Scher, www.realclearpolitics.com. January 12, 2015.

  58 Copy quote

• Don't get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.

  Bill Maher

  Tolerance, Intolerance, Theocracy

  32 Copy quote

• In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.

  Bill Maher

  Country, Guilty, Wealthy

  9 Copy quote
• 

  At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.

  Bill Maher

  Years, Lasts, Institutions

  "Bill Maher Enters the No Spin Zone". "The O'Reilly Factor", www.foxnews.com. September 29, 2010.

  45 Copy quote

• The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Home, World

  79 Copy quote

• That's what American democracy has come down to at these town hall meetings: old people and gun nuts, which is a terrible combination. I heard somebody yell 'AK-47!' and a lady yelled, 'Bingo!'

  Bill Maher

  Gun, Ak 47, Nuts

  7 Copy quote

• Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.

  Bill Maher

  Superstitions, Tribes, Primitive

  27 Copy quote

• Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.

  Bill Maher

  Mean, Thinking, Critical

  27 Copy quote
• 

  The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

  Bill Maher

  Ideas, People, Political

  "Bill Maher: The Decider", 2007.

  63 Copy quote

• If you think you have it tough, read history books.

  Bill Maher

  Coffee, Book, Thinking

  33 Copy quote

• Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

  Bill Maher

  Doctors, Ass, Asks

  Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.98, Penguin

  11 Copy quote

• If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.

  Bill Maher

  Church, Want, Rich

  26 Copy quote

• It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot.

  Bill Maher

  Idiot, Condescending, Explaining

  "Maher's 'Real Time' Panelists Spar Over Brewer-Obama Altercation, Immigration". www.realclearpolitics.com. January 28, 2012.

  11 Copy quote

• When I hear from people that religion doesn't hurt anything, I say really? Well besides wars, the crusades, the inquisitions, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, the suppression of women, the suppression of homosexuals, fatwas, honor killings, suicide bombings, arranged marriages to minors, human sacrifice, burning witches, and systematic sex with children, I have a few little quibbles. And I forgot blowing up girl schools in Afghanistan.

  Bill Maher

  Girl, Suicide, Hurt

  24 Copy quote

• As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

  Bill Maher

  Believe, Path, Asks

  6 Copy quote

• When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

  Bill Maher

  Opportunity, People, Complaining

  8 Copy quote

• Let us not become so tolerant that we tolerate intolerance.

  Bill Maher

  Intolerance, Tolerate

  4 Copy quote

• I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.

  Bill Maher

  School, Diploma, Birth

  29 Copy quote

• Karl Rove thinks we shouldn’t have Hillary Clinton in the White House because she fell and hit her head a couple years ago, spent three days in the hospital, and maybe she has brain damage. You know, I don’t recall the Republicans being this concerned with mental fitness during the years when Reagan was talking to house plants in the White House.

  Bill Maher

  Couple, Thinking, Talking

  14 Copy quote

• I feel like I'm wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.

  Bill Maher

  Shoes, Orthopedics, Feels

  47 Copy quote

• I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

  Bill Maher

  Biblical, People, Political

  83 Copy quote

• We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.

  Bill Maher

  Funny, Responsibility, Usa

  33 Copy quote

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