Jay Leno Quotes

Quotes about:

• The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

  Jay Leno

  Inspirational, Funny, New York

  10 Copy quote

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Money, Epic

  167 Copy quote

• We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.

  Jay Leno

  Race, Car, Dresses

  9 Copy quote

• Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

  Jay Leno

  Liberty, Irs, Libertarian

  7 Copy quote

• This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."

  Jay Leno

  Names, White, People

  22 Copy quote

• You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Relationship, Laughter

  96 Copy quote

• According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we'll never get there.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Thinking, News

  5 Copy quote

• Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

  Jay Leno

  Morning, Jobs, Yesterday

  22 Copy quote

• Britney Spears told an interviewer if she weren't famous, she would be a teacher. So thank God she's famous.

  Jay Leno

  Teacher, Thank God, Would Be

  4 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  101 Copy quote

• If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

  Jay Leno

  Car, Making Money, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Two, America

  11 Copy quote

• Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

  Jay Leno

  Horse, Zebras, Thinking

  43 Copy quote

• In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now use the phrase 'undocumented democrat'.

  Jay Leno

  Moving, Organization, Phrases

  26 Copy quote

• There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't paying attention.

  Jay Leno

  Fda, Drug, Attention

  4 Copy quote

• According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Thinking, Polls

  5 Copy quote

• Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it's the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.

  Jay Leno

  Believe, Frogs, Tiny

  9 Copy quote

• Seems there's a big debate going on about whether a new TV commercial for Minute Maid orange juice portrays Popeye and Bluto as gay lovers or just good friends. The commercial shows Popeye and Bluto at the beach and riding a bicycle for two. I don't think that makes them gay. I think the fact they both find Olive Oyl attractive, that makes them gay.

  Jay Leno

  Beach, Good Friend, Gay

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.

  Jay Leno

  Team, Names, Want

  14 Copy quote

• Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel.

  Jay Leno

  War, Years, Political

  4 Copy quote

• Ann Landers said that you are addicted to sex if you have sex more than 3 times a day, and that you should seek professional help. I have news for Ann Landers: The only way I am going to get sex 3 times a day is if I seek professional help.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, News, Way

  4 Copy quote

• For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.

  Jay Leno

  Women, Tests, Firsts

  12 Copy quote

• The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Witty, Two

  7 Copy quote

• Actually, you know who gave the shortest inauguration speech in history? George Washington. It was only like three minutes long. Well, sure. George Washington couldn't tell a lie.

  Jay Leno

  Lying, Long, Three

  6 Copy quote

• A new poll shows only 3 percent strongly approve of the job Congress is doing, with a margin of error of 4 percent, so it's possible that "less than no one" thinks they're doing a good job.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Thinking, Errors

  4 Copy quote

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