Adam Carolla Quotes

Quotes about:

• You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

  Adam Carolla

  Names, Feelings, Internet

  48 Copy quote

• Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

  Adam Carolla

  Gay, Looks, Down And

  Twitter post from Jun 29, 2012

  30 Copy quote

• No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.

  Adam Carolla

  Bears

  19 Copy quote

• Lets not focus on saving a nickel... lets focus on making a buck.

  Adam Carolla

  Focus, Saving, Bucks

  11 Copy quote

• People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.

  Adam Carolla

  Opportunity, People, Failing

  12 Copy quote

• Don’t do your best, do my best.

  Adam Carolla

  "The Adam Carolla Show", blog.bulletproof.com. July 11, 2016.

  22 Copy quote

• California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

  Adam Carolla

  Fall, School, California

  5 Copy quote

• The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.

  Adam Carolla

  Reading, Book, Creative

  "‘How Dare You!’: Q&A with Adam Carolla". Interview with Joshua Kors, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 9, 2010.

  5 Copy quote

• I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

  Adam Carolla

  Annoyed, Time Travel, Traveler

  23 Copy quote

• I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe. I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out. So most people don’t have the courage to admit there’s no God and they know it. They feel it. They try to suppress it. And if you bring it up they get angry because it freaks them out.

  Adam Carolla

  Atheist, Thinking, Law

  25 Copy quote

• What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

  Adam Carolla

  Hands, Common Sense, Fists

  Adam Carolla (2010). “In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks”, p.1, Crown Archetype

  16 Copy quote

• I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

  Adam Carolla

  Thinking, Pie, Ice Cream

  "Q & A With Adam Carolla: His Sledgehammer Wine, Jimmy Kimmel's Pizza Oven, "Mangria" + Where to Eat Pie". Interview with Elina Shatkin, www.laweekly.com. February 8, 2011.

  17 Copy quote

• If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

  Adam Carolla

  Butterfly, Beer, Ideas

  8 Copy quote

• If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.

  Adam Carolla

  Museums, Walking, Ifs

  "‘How Dare You!’: Q&A with Adam Carolla". Interview with Joshua Kors, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 9, 2010.

  11 Copy quote

• Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn't break it down piece by piece, stage by stage. The best gift you can give yourself is some drive--that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates. The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.

  Adam Carolla

  Jobs, Believe, Doors

  24 Copy quote

• When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Smell

  24 Copy quote

• Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

  Adam Carolla

  Pay, Taxes, Feels

  10 Copy quote

• You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Six

  Adam Carolla (2010). “In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks”, p.208, Crown Archetype

  18 Copy quote

• If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

  Adam Carolla

  Dog, Good Life, Fun

  "Adam Carolla on Switching Parties and Obama: 'I'm Waiting for the Hope and Change to Kick In'". Interview with Paul Bond, www.hollywoodreporter.com. November 7, 2012.

  28 Copy quote

• Welfare is monetary methadone.

  Adam Carolla

  Welfare, Methadone, Monetary

  "Parker Spitzer" with Kathleen Parker and Eliot Spitzer, edition.cnn.com. November 5, 2010.

  8 Copy quote

• Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

  Adam Carolla

  Smell, Judging, Asking

  21 Copy quote

• I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Two

  FaceBook post by Adam Carolla from Oct 24, 2013

  5 Copy quote

• This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

  Adam Carolla

  Stars, Hate, Gay

  15 Copy quote

• The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

  Adam Carolla

  Travel, Knowing, Car

  "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-aged White Guy". Book by Adam Carolla, edition.cnn.com. 2010.

  9 Copy quote

• Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

  Adam Carolla

  Funny, Humor, Naps

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

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