Jay Leno Quotes About House

Quotes about: House

• These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten.

  Jay Leno

  White, People, House

• The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best if you didn't read it at all.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, White, House

• President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner played golf this weekend. Obama’s handicap is Joe Biden.

  Jay Leno

  Golf, Weekend, House

• President Obama had lunch with Republican leaders at the White House today and had to do without salt, pepper and butter. Not for dietary reasons. The Republicans refused to pass anything.

  Jay Leno

  Lunch, White, House

• This week the White House proposed fingerprinting and photographing foreign visitors so they can do background checks. Officials in Saudi Arabia said this will only increase anti-American feelings in the Mideast. Is that possible? Gee, you hate to have people dislike us for no reason. Things were going so well.

  Jay Leno

  Hate, White, People

• Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'

  Jay Leno

  Stars, Majority Leader, Years

• According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.

  Jay Leno

  Fun, Thinking, White

• Congratulations to Mexico. They upset Brazil to win a gold medal in men's soccer. And after the Olympics ended, the Mexican soccer team, of course, returned home to their houses here in Los Angeles.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Soccer, Team

• President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?

  Jay Leno

  Movie, War, Oil

• Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.

  Jay Leno

  Anchors, White, House

• Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.

  Jay Leno

  Easter, Nice, Eggs

• Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did all the coke winds up going to the White House, the guy who didn't do coke goes to Columbia.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Wind, White

• The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just need to find someone who remembers Bush working on an economic plan. ... I think the White House spent more money looking for this guy than finding weapons of mass destruction.

  Jay Leno

  Thinking, Mass Destruction, White

• Good news. President Bush is creating thousands of new jobs. Unfortunately, all of them are at the White House.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, White, Creating

• It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, White, People

• Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress.

  Jay Leno

  Children, Home, School

• At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Boys, Numbers

• The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election.

  Jay Leno

  Military, White, House

• While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.

  Jay Leno

  Friday, White, House

• Barack Obama's daughters are very smart. They told him they will take the same responsibility for the dog that he is taking for the economy. That way, if the dog leaves a mess in the White House, it'll be cleaned up by future generations.

  Jay Leno

  Daughter, Dog, Smart

• We are in a code orange. Homeland Security said earlier today that everyone should have a roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting to protect your house in event of terrorist attacks. Who came up with this idea? MacGyver?

  Jay Leno

  Should Have, Ideas, Orange

• The big story now is that President Bush is coming under attack for his service in the National Guard. The White House said, 'no no,' that they have payroll records to show that he served in the National Guard. But today, the commanding officers can't remember seeing Bush between May and October of '72. President Bush said, 'Remember me? I'm the drunk guy. Remember me?'

  Jay Leno

  White, Drunk, House

• John McCain said that Barack Obama is already measuring the drapes in the White House. That's what he said. I understand Sarah Palin is already driving McCain around to look at assisted living facilities.

  Jay Leno

  White, House, Looks

• It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records.

  Jay Leno

  Friday, Mean, Phones

• The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists' team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama played for.

  Jay Leno

  Softball, Team, Marijuana

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