Jay Leno Quotes About Clinton

Quotes about: Clinton

• Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Weed, Marijuana

• It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day on it. They still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow.

  Jay Leno

  Two, President, Shadow

• According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, New York, Book

• There is a new book out about Hillary Clinton that claims Bill is still having affairs but Hillary continues to look the other way. The only problem is when Hillary does look the other way Bill's having sex with a women over there too.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Book, Doe

• The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't blame me for that one.'

  Jay Leno

  Climate, Hey, Blame

• They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.

  Jay Leno

  Trends, Might, Global Warming

• Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Dog, Sex

• CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

  Jay Leno

  Cheating, Strong Women, Husband

• When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Thinking, New Job

• I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.

  Jay Leno

  Sorry, Apology, Taught Us

• More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton.

  Jay Leno

  Sleep, Night, Two

• While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.

  Jay Leno

  Friday, White, House

• I guess you heard, Hillary Clinton has a new campaign slogan: "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

  Jay Leno

  Campaigns, Get Up, Clinton

• A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Believe, President

  "Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. May 19, 2006.

• Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.

  Jay Leno

  Mistress, Use, Trouble

• A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Florida. Do you realize? If Osama bin Laden was a 14-year old girl, we would have had him by now. ... Who is going to start protecting us from the Department of Homeland Security? ... It kind of makes you long for the good old wholesome days of the Clinton administration.

  Jay Leno

  Girl, Teenage, Florida

• Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead.

  Jay Leno

  Past, Funeral, Trying

• Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

  Jay Leno

  Suffering, Bills, Married

• Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

  Jay Leno

  Lying, Today Is The Day, Differences

  "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno, February 19, 2007.

• The New York Times is reporting that back in the '60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he's done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes.

  Jay Leno

  New York, War, Hero

• President Bush fell off his mountain bike down on his ranch in Texas. A couple weeks ago, John Kerry fell off his bicycle. See, doesn't this make you miss President Clinton? That guy, he could ride anything without falling off.

  Jay Leno

  Couple, Fall, Texas

• The Democratic Leadership Council has named Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton to design a plan to help define an agenda to the Democratic party. Although Bill said today, in his experience, whenever Hillary enters the picture that's when the party ends

  Jay Leno

  Party, Design, Agendas

• John Kerry is recovering nicely after having prostate surgery. But the doctors did tell him it would be several months before he could be sexually active again. All the other Democratic candidates have been very supportive. Joe Lieberman called to wish him the best. The Rev. Al Sharpton called to offer prayers. Former President Bill Clinton called Mrs. Kerry and asked if she was lonely.

  Jay Leno

  Lonely, Prayer, Doctors

• At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.'

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Boys, Numbers

• President Clinton says he looks forward to the day a citizen can call the IRS and get the right answer to a question. I look forward to the day I can call the IRS and get a voice that says, 'Sorry, that number has been disconnected.'

  Jay Leno

  Sorry, Voice, Numbers

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