Craig Ferguson Quotes

Quotes about:

• I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

  Craig Ferguson

  Stars, Player, Thinking

  49 Copy quote

• ...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

  Craig Ferguson

  Self, Say Anything, Doe

  21 Copy quote

• Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

  Craig Ferguson

  Book, Men, Self

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.

  Craig Ferguson

  Evil, Doe, Bumblebees

  Craig Ferguson (2010). “Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel”, p.112, Chronicle Books

  7 Copy quote

• I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.

  Craig Ferguson

  Party, Talking, Awkward

  4 Copy quote

• ....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Attention

  7 Copy quote

• Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

  Craig Ferguson

  Yesterday, Tomorrow, Your Future

  11 Copy quote

• Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

  Craig Ferguson

  People, Botox, Gas

  4 Copy quote

• A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  5 Copy quote

• Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

  Craig Ferguson

  Laughter, Giving, Despair

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", 2005-2014.

  13 Copy quote

• I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

  Craig Ferguson

  Self Esteem, Thinking, Comedy

  4 Copy quote

• Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.

  Craig Ferguson

  Recovery, Addiction, Alcohol

  15 Copy quote

• There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet.

  Craig Ferguson

  Spiritual, Believe, Joy

  16 Copy quote

• Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

  Craig Ferguson

  Money, Drinking, Heart

  11 Copy quote

• Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

  Craig Ferguson

  Law, Physics, Laws Of Physics

  11 Copy quote

• I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

  Craig Ferguson

  Thinking, Two, Roots

  4 Copy quote

• The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.

  Craig Ferguson

  Beauty, Queens, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

  Craig Ferguson

  Ipads, Excited

  7 Copy quote

• This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

  Craig Ferguson

  Religious, Lying, Biblical

  Craig Ferguson (2010). “Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel”, p.9, Chronicle Books

  18 Copy quote

• Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.

  Craig Ferguson

  Forever, Goes On, Warhol

  4 Copy quote

• I am the Saudi Arabia of unhappiness. I have so many reserves of misery that you wouldn't understand. I actually think that's part of why I connect with Canadians. I think they understand grinding misery underneath.

  Craig Ferguson

  Thinking, Arabia, Misery

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

  Craig Ferguson

  Halloween, Dressing Up, Adults

  18 Copy quote

• These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

  Craig Ferguson

  Teacher, Teaching, Kids

  14 Copy quote

• I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Zombie, Monsters

  9 Copy quote

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