Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.
One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
When the wine goes in, strange things come out.
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
I made a commitment to completely cut out drinking and anything that might hamper me from getting my mind and body together. And the floodgates of goodness have opened upon me - spiritually and financially.
I would never have discovered alcohol.
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