Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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