Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.
I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.
People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
I'm too drunk to taste this chicken
I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
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