Funny Alcohol Quotes

• Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  88 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  117 Copy quote
• 

  An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

  Dylan Thomas

  Funny, Drinking, Food

  Dictionary of 20th Century Quotations quoted by Nigel Rees. Fontana London (1987)

  86 Copy quote

  Show source

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

  Crazy, Drinking, Reading

  Quoted in Rocky Mountain News, 15 July 1994

  98 Copy quote

  Show source

• I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  David Lee Roth

  Funny, Life, Sports

  "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

  96 Copy quote

  Show source

• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.

  Graham Greene

  Truth, Lying, Drinking

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

  23 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  121 Copy quote

  Show source

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  Kinky Friedman

  Beauty, Philosophy, Drinking

  26 Copy quote

• Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Drinking, Glasses, Drunk

  "The Beautiful and Damned". Book by F. Scott Fitzgerald, pitchfork.com. 1922.

  82 Copy quote

  Show source

• I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I'm cooking.

  Julia Child

  Wine, Cooking, Sometimes

  7 Copy quote

• It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

  George Burns

  Clever, Drinking, Drunk

  124 Copy quote

• There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.

  Shemp Howard

  Drinking, Thinking, Drunk

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  34 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  109 Copy quote

  Show source

• Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism.

  Carl Jung

  Drinking, Recovery, Overcoming Addiction

  Memories, Dreams, Reflections ch. 12 (1962)

  98 Copy quote

  Show source

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  119 Copy quote
• 

  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  171 Copy quote

• People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.

  Ann Landers

  Drinking, Swimming, Beer

  23 Copy quote

• I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Inspirational, Wisdom, Truth

  Abraham Lincoln (1999). “The Wit & Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln: A Treasury of Quotations, Anecdotes, and Observations”, Gramercy

  71 Copy quote

  Show source

• Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

  Martin Luther

  Funny, Drinking, Sleep

  1249 Copy quote

• I'm too drunk to taste this chicken

  Colonel Sanders

  Funny, Drunk, Entrepreneur

  111 Copy quote

• Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

  Gerard Way

  Drinking, Coffee, Smoking

  20 Copy quote

• Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off.

  Raymond Chandler

  Girl, Drinking, Beer

  The Long Goodbye ch. 4 (1953)

  19 Copy quote

  Show source

• Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Drinking, Wine, Scotch

  "Facepaint, champagne and antelope skin - writers' oddball quirks revealed" by Charlotte Seager, www.theguardian.com. July 23, 2015.

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Funny, Beauty, Sarcastic

  30 Copy quote

• Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.

  Robert A. Heinlein

  Missing You, Strong, Drinking

  Robert A. Heinlein (1987). “Time Enough for Love”, p.325, Penguin

  49 Copy quote

  Show source