Funny Alcohol Quotes - Page 5

• Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

  20 Copy quote

• Wine gives a man nothing... it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.

  Samuel Johnson

  Drinking, Wine, Men

  17 Copy quote

• Babies are like the smallest, drunkest people you know.

  Nick Swardson

  Baby, People, Alcohol

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• Always be drunk ... Get drunk militantly. Just get drunk.

  Charles Baudelaire

  Drunk, Alcohol

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• Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

  Robert Benchley

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Fictional character: Mr. Albert Osborne". "The Major and the Minor", www.imdb.com. September 16, 1942.

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• An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.

  Confucius

  Philosophical, Beer, Government

  87 Copy quote

• I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

  Noel Coward

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  34 Copy quote

• I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Book

  In Corey Ford Time of Laughter (1970) p. 182

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• My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Smoking, Alcohol

  Uttered during a lunch with the Arab leader, Ibn Saud

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• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

  Chelsea Handler

  Party, Drinking, Two

  Chelsea Handler (2005). “My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands”, p.84, Bloomsbury Publishing USA

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• Everything in moderation, including moderation.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Food

  32 Copy quote

• I don't think I've ever drunk champagne before breakfast before. With breakfast on several occasions, but never before before.

  Truman Capote

  Drinking, Thinking, Drunk

  "Fictional character: Paul "Fred" Varjak". "Breakfast at Tiffany's", 1961.

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• Don't trust people who don't laugh. I don't.

  Maya Angelou

  Trust, Drinking, Laughing

  "Maya Angelou: Best-Selling Poet Shares Story of Her Life and Work" by Brent Cunningham, www.buffalo.edu. April 30, 1998.

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• You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

  Mark Twain

  Drinking, Wine, Labels

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Lying, Drinking, Book

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World's Worst Places and Asks, "What's Funny About Thi”, p.205, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

  John Churchill, 1st Duke of Marlborough

  Drinking, Book, Fighting

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• Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

  Phyllis Diller

  Falling In Love, Drinking, Alcohol

  Phyllis Diller (1981). “The joys of aging--and how to avoid them: can sex keep you young? And other silly questions”, Doubleday Books

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• I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Time, Drinking

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• I like my whisky old and my women young.

  Errol Flynn

  Drinking, Scotch, Whiskey

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• A horrid alcoholic explosion scatters all my good intentions like bits of limbs and clothes over the doorsteps and into the saloon bars of the tawdriest pubs.

  Dylan Thomas

  Drinking, Clothes, Alcohol

  Dylan Thomas (1967). “Selected letters”

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• I don't trust people who don't use profanity.

  Mark Oliver Everett

  Trust, Drinking, People

  14 Copy quote

• You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Morning, Drinking, Beer

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.6, Macmillan

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• I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

  Stonewall Jackson

  Drinking, Food, Alcohol

  Quoted by William Jones in The Life and Letters of Robert Edward Lee, Soldier and Man p. 443

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• It is most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor; for, on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.

  Thomas de Quincey

  Drinking, Beer, Men

  Thomas De Quincey (1841). “Confessions of an English Opium-eater: Being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar”, p.89

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