P. J. O'Rourke Quotes

Quotes about:

• Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Inspirational, Funny, Money

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.24, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  138 Copy quote

• It is a popular delusion that the government wastes vast amounts of money through inefficiency and sloth. Enormous effort and elaborate planning are required to waste this much money.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Government, Effort, Sloth

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.36, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  50 Copy quote

• The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Party, Humorous, Government

  "Parliament of Whores". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1991.

  19 Copy quote

• At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Children, Philosophy, Useless

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.22, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  80 Copy quote

• Politics is the art of achieving prestige and power without merit.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Art, Humor, Deep Thought

  9 Copy quote

• The problem isn't a Congress that won't cut spending or a president who won't raise taxes. The problem is an American public with a bottomless sense of entitlement to federal money.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Cutting, President, Problem

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.104, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  4 Copy quote

• The second item in the liberal creed, after self-righteousness, is unaccountability. Liberals have invented whole college majors--psychology, sociology, women's studies--to prove that nothing is anybody's fault. No one is fond of taking responsibility for his actions, but consider how much you'd have to hate free will to come up with a political platform that advocates killing unborn babies but not convicted murderers. A callous pragmatist might favor abortion and capital punishment. A devout Christian would sanction neither. But it takes years of therapy to arrive at the liberal view.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Christian, Baby, Hate

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.21, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  17 Copy quote

• The Three Branches of Government: Money, Television, and Bullshit

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Government, Bullshit, Three

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.47, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  36 Copy quote

• When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Witty, Funny Inspirational, Government

  P J O'Rourke (1992). “Parliament of Whores-Open Mark”, Vintage Books USA

  32 Copy quote

• Everybody wants to save the Earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Family, Mom, Mother

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “All the Trouble in the World: The Lighter Side of Overpopulation, Famine, Ecological Disaster, Ethnic Hatred, Plague, and Poverty”, p.9, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  16 Copy quote

• Not being a liberal, I have very little grasp of things that I know nothing about.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Littles, Knows

  18 Copy quote

• There is only one basic human right: the right to do as you please, without causing others harm. With it comes our only basic human duty: the duty to accept the consequences of our actions.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Liberty, Our Actions, Accepting

  22 Copy quote

• Politicians are always interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Dog, Freedom, People

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.58, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  14 Copy quote

• Most of the people who have grabbed hold of climate change and greenhouse gases, pollution, oil dependency - they have another motive, and their motive is to attain the appearance of virtue without having actually done anything virtuous.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Oil, People, Climate

  Source: www.avclub.com

  17 Copy quote

• I have a 10 year old at home, and she is always saying, 'That's not fair.' When she says that, I say, "Honey, you're cute; that's not fair. Your family is pretty well off; that's not fair. You were born in America; that's not fair. Honey, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Cute, Home, America

  29 Copy quote

• Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Jail, Needs, Term Limits

  "The Liberty Manifesto". Speech at the opening of the Cato Institute's headquarters in Washington, D.C., www.cato.org. May 06, 1993.

  29 Copy quote

• Liberalism is just Communism sold by the drink.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drink, Communism, Liberalism

  21 Copy quote

• It remains to be seen which program will cause greater societal damage: China's one-child policy or America's one-parent policy.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Children, America, Parent

  31 Copy quote

• The idea of a news broadcast once was to find someone with information and broadcast it. The idea now is to find someone with ignorance and spread it around.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Ignorance, Ideas, News

  P.J. O'Rourke (2009). “Peace Kills”, p.60, Atlantic Books Ltd

  18 Copy quote

• You can't get good Chinese takeout in China and Cuban cigars are rationed in Cuba. That's all you need to know about communism.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Chinese, Cuba, Needs

  "Give War a Chance". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1992.

  30 Copy quote

• A politician who commends himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to do good with other peoples' money.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Caring, Government, Liberty

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.150, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  13 Copy quote

• We're told cars are wasteful. Wasteful of what? Oil did a lot of good sitting in the ground for millions of years. We're told cars should be replaced with mass transportation. But it's hard to reach the drive-through window at McDonald's from a speeding train. And we're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Horse, Cancer, Mcdonalds

  "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut" by P. J. O'Rourke, (1st edition ed.), New York: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1996.

  21 Copy quote

• Think about last time you were broke ... now how well did it go with spending your way out of it? Did that work?

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Thinking, Way, Lasts

  11 Copy quote

• Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drinking, Ignorance, Stupid People

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.110, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

  55 Copy quote

• Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work, and then they get elected and prove it.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Party, Government, Republican

  1991 Parliament of Whores.

  47 Copy quote

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