P. J. O'Rourke Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• Collectivism doesn't work because it's based on a faulty economic premise. There is no such thing as a person's "fair share" of wealth. The gross national product is not a pizza that must be carefully divided because if I get too many slices, you have to eat the box. The economy is expandable and, in any practical sense, limitless.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Liberty, Libertarian, Wealth

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• No one has ever had a fantasy about being tied to a bed and sexually ravished by someone dressed as a liberal

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Bed, Fantasy, Sexually

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.22, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Drinking, Coffee, Glasses

  P. J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus: A Reader”, p.154, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Smoking crack is a way for people who couldn't afford college to study the works of Charles Darwin.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  College, People, Smoking

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The CEO of the Sofa”, p.173, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• There are just two rules of governance in a free society: Mind your own business. Keep your hands to yourself.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Hands, Two, Mind Your Own Business

  "The Liberty Manifesto". P. J. O'Rourke's Speech for the opening of the Cato Institute's headquarters in Washington, D.C., May 6, 1993.

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• We're told cars cause pollution. A hundred years ago city streets were ankle deep in horse excrement. What kind of pollution do you want? Would you rather die of cancer at eighty or typhoid fever at nine?

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Horse, Cancer, Years

  "Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1996.

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• The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Kids, Three, Looks

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Stupid, College, Stupidity

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Give War a Chance: Eyewitness Accounts of Mankind's Struggle Against Tyranny, Injustice, and Alcohol-Free Beer”, p.88, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• I rarely meet a politician that I don't like personally. They are generally well endowed with charm. Therein lies the danger.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Lying, Politician, Danger

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• Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Christian, Atheist, Fun

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• Personally, I believe a rocking hammock, a good cigar, and a tall gin-and-tonic is the way to save the planet.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Believe, Hammocks, Way

  P.J. O'Rourke (2015). “Thrown Under the Omnibus”, p.392, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• The free market is ugly and stupid, like going to the mall; the unfree market is just as ugly and just as stupid, except there is nothing in the mall and if you don't go there they shoot you.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Stupid, Ugly, Malls

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• I can understand why mankind hasn't given up war. During a war you get to drive tanks through the sides of buildings and shoot foreigners - two things that are usually frowned on during peacetime.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  War, Two, Tanks

  "Holidays in Hell". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1989.

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• People are all exactly alike. There's no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we'd be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian Aborigine have fewer differences than a Lhasa apso and a toy fox terrier. A Japanese raised in Riyadh would be an Arab. A Zulu raised in New Rochelle would be an orthodontist. People are all the same, though their circumstances differ terribly.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Dog, Race, Differences

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• You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Acceptance, Publicity, Shame

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Enemies List”, p.5, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Ideas, Capitalism, Happens

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• Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Government, Macroeconomics, Microeconomics

  P. J. O'Rourke (2011). “Eat the Rich: A Treatise on Economics”, p.74, Pan Macmillan

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• There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as "caring" and "sensitive" because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. Well, who isn't? And a voter who takes pride in supporting such programs is telling us that he'll do good with his own money - if a gun is held to his head.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Pride, Caring, Gun

  "Why I Am a Conservative". Book by P. J. O'Rourke, 1996.

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• Remember, your body needs 6 to 8 glasses of fluid daily. Straight up or on the rocks.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Funny, Drinking, Health

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig”, p.57, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and get drunk.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Love, Sports, Order

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.266, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The three branches of government number considerably more than three and are not, in any sense, 'branches' since that would imply that there is something they are all attached to besides self-aggrandizement and our pocketbooks. ... Government is not a machine with parts; it's an organism. When does an intestine quit being an intestine and start becoming an asshole?

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Government, Self, Numbers

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• Maybe a nation that consumes as much booze and dope as we do and has our kind of divorce statistics should pipe down about "character issues."

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Character, Divorce, Dope

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Parliament of Whores: A Lone Humorist Attempts to Explain the Entire U.S. Government”, p.32, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• The motorcycle is a device created by the team of God and Darwin to rid the world of useless young males.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Team, Motorcycle, Males

  P. J. O'Rourke (2010). “Driving Like Crazy: Thirty Years of Vehicular Hell-Bending, Celebrating America the Way It's Supposed To Be With an Oi”, p.29, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• There are no kinder or better people in the world than those who listen to you when you are 18.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  People, World, Kinder

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• B students work for C students - A students teach.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Students, Teach

  "A Government of Know-it-Alls". www.cbsnews.com. April 27, 2010.

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