I drink to make other people more interesting.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many miles be still to go But under a tall tree will I lie And let the clouds go sailing by
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.
Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
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