I drink to make other people more interesting.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
I don't know what reception I'm at, but for God's sake give me a gin and tonic.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.
A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many miles be still to go But under a tall tree will I lie And let the clouds go sailing by
I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.
Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.
Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.
Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.
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