Funny Drinking Quotes

• I drink to make other people more interesting.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Life, Drinking

  "How To Be Interesting: Simple Ways to Increase Your Personal Appeal". Book by David Gillespie, Mark Warren, 2013.

  245 Copy quote

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• I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

  David Lee Roth

  Funny, Life, Sports

  "Roth Army" by Oliver Hurley, www.theguardian.com. August 27, 2004.

  96 Copy quote

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• I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.

  Charles Bukowski

  Funny, Suicide, Drinking

  Charles Bukowski, “The Suicide Kid”

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• A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

  Winston Churchill

  Humorous, Party, Drinking

  18 Copy quote

• Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Party

  67 Copy quote

• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

  Albert Einstein

  Drinking, Alcohol, Inventory

  119 Copy quote

• What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

  W. Clement Stone

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  57 Copy quote

• People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.

  Ann Landers

  Drinking, Swimming, Beer

  23 Copy quote

• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

  Kinky Friedman

  Beauty, Philosophy, Drinking

  26 Copy quote

• Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald

  Drinking, Glasses, Drunk

  "The Beautiful and Damned". Book by F. Scott Fitzgerald, pitchfork.com. 1922.

  82 Copy quote

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  The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

  Humphrey Bogart

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  171 Copy quote
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  An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  109 Copy quote

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• Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many miles be still to go But under a tall tree will I lie And let the clouds go sailing by

  J. R. R. Tolkien

  Lying, Drinking, Rain

  J.R.R. Tolkien (2012). “The Fellowship of the Ring: Being the First Part of The Lord of the Rings”, p.72, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  7 Copy quote

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  Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

  Ernest Hemingway

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  Ernest Hemingway (2008). “The Good Life According to Hemingway”, Ecco

  121 Copy quote

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• Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets.

  Dudley Moore

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  18 Copy quote

• The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Religious, Atheist

  George Bernard Shaw (1993). “The Complete Prefaces: 1914-1929”, Viking Adult

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• Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

  Wilhelm II

  Funny, Kings, Women

  143 Copy quote

• A perfect martini should be made by filling a glass with gin then waving it in the general direction of Italy.

  Noel Coward

  Glasses, Perfect, Martini

  "The Martini: the epitome of cocktail-hour refinement" by Henry Jeffreys, www.theguardian.com. June 5, 2015.

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• Drink today, and drown all sorrow; You shall perhaps not do it tomorrow; Best, while you have it, use your breath; There is no drinking after death.

  Ben Jonson

  Drinking, Sorrow, Use

  Ben Jonson, Francis Beaumont, John Fletcher (1811). “The Dramatic Works of Ben Jonson, and Beaumont and Fletcher”, p.149

  10 Copy quote

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• I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Two, Alcohol

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  182 Copy quote

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• Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

  Martin Luther

  Funny, Drinking, Sleep

  1249 Copy quote

• Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

  Mark Twain

  Drinking, Alcohol, Funny Beer

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.31, St. Martin's Press

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• It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

  George Burns

  Clever, Drinking, Drunk

  124 Copy quote

• I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.

  Bette Midler

  Drinking, Drunk, Perspective

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  11 Copy quote

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• Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

  Robert Benchley

  Drinking, People, Alcohol

  "The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom". Book by Herbert Victor Prochnow, 1958.

  9 Copy quote

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