Funny Drinking Quotes - Page 4

• I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Party, Drinking, Beer

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Alcohol, Done

  "The Temperance Lecture" (radio broadcast) (1938)

  20 Copy quote

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• Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.

  N. F. Simpson

  Drinking, Food, Reality

  53 Copy quote

• I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Time, Drinking

  16 Copy quote

• Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, House, Alcohol

  12 Copy quote

• Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Witty, Work

  Quoted in Frank Harris, Oscar Wilde: His Life and Confessions (1916)

  68 Copy quote

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• We drink and we die and continue to drink.

  Denis Leary

  Drinking, Drink, Dies

  Song: Traditional Irish Folk Song

  7 Copy quote

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• The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whisky. By diligent effort, I learned to like it.

  Winston Churchill

  Drinking, Scotch, Water

  Sir Winston Churchill (1965). “The Churchill Wit”

  14 Copy quote

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• My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

  Henny Youngman

  Good Life, Grandma, Drinking

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  161 Copy quote

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• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

  Henny Youngman

  New York, Dad, Drinking

  11 Copy quote

• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and likes to see us happy.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Humorous, Drinking, Beer

  69 Copy quote

• Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

  Dorothy Parker

  Drinking, Wine, Envy

  Dorothy Parker (1944). “Dorothy Parker”

  14 Copy quote

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• The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

  Dean Martin

  Thinking, Sober, Reason

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  47 Copy quote

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• The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth.

  Conan O'Brien

  Government, Two, Alcohol

  4 Copy quote

• Trumpets are a bit more adventurous; they're drunk! Trumpeters are generally drunk. It wets their whistle.

  Paul McCartney

  Drinking, Drunk, Adventurous

  9 Copy quote

• Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises.

  Jim Jefferies

  Smart, Drinking, Kids

  100 Copy quote

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Country, Real, Drinking

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  24 Copy quote

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• Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

  Edgar Allan Poe

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Edgar Allan Poe (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe (Illustrated)”, p.229, Delphi Classics

  31 Copy quote

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• I drink Champagne when I win, to celebrate...and I drink Champagne when I lose, to console myself.

  Napoleon Bonaparte

  Drinking, Wine, Winning

  28 Copy quote

• I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

  Winston Churchill

  Military, Drinking, Taken

  In Quentin Reynolds By Quentin Reynolds (1964) ch. 11

  43 Copy quote

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• Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.

  W. C. Fields

  Travel, Book, Drinking

  76 Copy quote

• If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Living My Life, Saloons

  18 Copy quote

• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

  51 Copy quote

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• I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

  George Gobel

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  22 Copy quote

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• He that drinks fast, pays slow.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  1733 Poor Richard's Almanack, Aug.

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