Funny Drinking Quotes - Page 5

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  You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

  Dean Martin

  Clever, Lying, Humorous

  In Paul Dickson Official Rules (1978) p. 112

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• Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

  Ogden Nash

  Funny, Drinking, Beer

  "Reflection on Ice-breaking" l. 1 (1931)

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• My own experience has been that the tools I need for my trade are paper, tobacco, food, and a little whisky.

  William Faulkner

  Drinking, Writing, Scotch Whisky

  "William Faulkner, The Art of Fiction No. 12". Interview with Jean Stein, www.theparisreview.org. 1956.

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• You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

  Frank Zappa

  Funny, Football, Country

  Frank Zappa, Peter Occhiogrosso (1990). “Real Frank Zappa Book”, p.231, Simon and Schuster

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• A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

  Henny Youngman

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

  110 Copy quote

• The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Drinking, Sick, Way

  1639 Copy quote

• Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

  Edgar Allan Poe

  Food, Drinking, Beer

  Edgar Allan Poe (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe (Illustrated)”, p.229, Delphi Classics

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• Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

  Dave Barry

  Book, Drinking, Beer

  Dave Barry (2012). “The Greatest Invention in the History of Mankind Is Beer: And Other Manly Insights from Dave Barry”, p.112, Andrews McMeel Publishing

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• Wine is sunlight, held together by water.

  Galileo Galilei

  Drinking, Food, Wine

  62 Copy quote

• Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.

  Graham Greene

  Lying, Drinking, Wine

  Graham Greene (1980). “Travels with my aunt”

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• I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Beer

  Recalled on his death, 4 Jun1971.

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• No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Drinking, Beer, Animal

  All Things Considered (1908) "Wine When it is Red"

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• Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes you lean...Against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

  Gerard Way

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  27 Copy quote

• When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.

  Francois Rabelais

  Drinking, Beer, Thinking

  27 Copy quote

• I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

  Oscar Levant

  Drinking, Beer, Funny Sarcastic

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• I drink to make other people interesting.

  George Jean Nathan

  Drinking, Book, Beer

  George Jean Nathan, Charles Angoff (1998). “The World of George Jean Nathan: Essays, Reviews, & Commentary”, Hal Leonard Corporation

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• I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

  George Gobel

  Drinking, Beer, Drunk

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• He that drinks fast, pays slow.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  1733 Poor Richard's Almanack, Aug.

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• The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.

  H. L. Mencken

  Drinking, Men, Wind

  H. L. MENCKEN (1924). “PREJUDICES FOURTH SERIES”

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• I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.

  Stonewall Jackson

  Drinking, Food, Alcohol

  Quoted by William Jones in The Life and Letters of Robert Edward Lee, Soldier and Man p. 443

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• You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

  Celia Rivenbark

  Morning, Drinking, Beer

  Celia Rivenbark (2009). “You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning”, p.6, Macmillan

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• I feel sorry for people who do not have a Bible to lean on.

  Adrian Rogers

  Sorry, Drinking, Beer

  Adrian Rogers, Steve Rogers (2012). “What Every Christian Ought to Know”, p.25, B&H Publishing Group

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• The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Drinking, Beer, Alcohol

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.58, BookBaby

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• Drink today, and drown all sorrow; you shall perhaps not do tomorrow.

  John Fletcher

  Alcohol, Sorrow, Today

  John Fletcher, Nathan Field, Philip Massinger (1991). “The Bloody Brother: A Tragedy”

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• If I have one, I'll have thirteen. No, there ain't no in-betwee. Cuz the more I drink, the more I drink, the more I drink.

  Blake Shelton

  Drinking, Cuz, Thirteen

  19 Copy quote