Lewis Grizzard Quotes

Quotes about:

• I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

  Lewis Grizzard

  People, Educated, Knows

  Lewis Grizzard (1995). “Life Is Like a Dogsled Team . . . If You're Not the Lead Dog, the Scenery Never Changes: The Wit and Wisdom of Lewis Grizzard”, Longstreet Press

  2232 Copy quote

• It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Summer, Food, Garden

  1646 Copy quote

• In the south there's a difference between 'Naked' and 'Nekkid.' 'Naked' means you don't have any clothes on. 'Nekkid' means you don't have any clothes on and you're up to somethin'.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Mean, Differences, Clothes

  1696 Copy quote

• The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick and occasionally raise the dead, is to put bourbon in it.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Drinking, Sick, Way

  1635 Copy quote

• The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Motivational, Success, Football

  Lewis Grizzard (1990). “Gettin' it on: a down-home treasury”, BBS Publishing Corporation

  1531 Copy quote

• There's no such thing as being too Southern.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Southern, Guidance, Too Busy

  1638 Copy quote

• "Have you done your homework?" my mother would ask. "I'll do it later." "You will do it now, young man. I don't want you winding up on the third shift at Flagg-Utica." Flagg-Utica was a local textile plant. Somehow, I never could figure how failing to read three chapters in my geography book about the various sorts of vegetation to be found in a tropical rain forest had anything to do with facing a life as a mill hand. But with enough guilt and fear as catalysts, you can read anything, even geography books and Deuteronomy.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Mother, Fear, Rain

  1605 Copy quote

• Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Thinking, Dancing, Making Love

  Lewis Grizzard (1995). “Life Is Like a Dogsled Team . . . If You're Not the Lead Dog, the Scenery Never Changes: The Wit and Wisdom of Lewis Grizzard”, Longstreet Press

  1380 Copy quote

• It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Children, News, Scandal

  Lewis Grizzard (1995). “Life Is Like a Dogsled Team . . . If You're Not the Lead Dog, the Scenery Never Changes: The Wit and Wisdom of Lewis Grizzard”, Longstreet Press

  1373 Copy quote

• You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

  Lewis Grizzard

  Funny, Dog, Attitude

  1361 Copy quote

• Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Mean, Yankees, Talking

  1376 Copy quote

• Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

  1279 Copy quote

• Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Leadership, Dog, Race

  1180 Copy quote

• The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Trying, Locks, Frozen

  Lewis Grizzard (1990). “Gettin' it on: a down-home treasury”, BBS Publishing Corporation

  1108 Copy quote

• I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Marriage, Inspiration, Sleep

  921 Copy quote

• If soccer was an American soft drink, it would be Diet Pepsi

  Lewis Grizzard

  Soccer, Pepsi, Would Be

  777 Copy quote

• Money doesn't grow on trees, and if it did somebody else would own the orchard.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Money, Tree, Grows

  "Heapin' Helping of True Grizzard: Down Home Again with Lewis Grizzard".

  800 Copy quote

• Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Sex, Ducks, Use

  757 Copy quote

• God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Done, Cash, God Bless

  Lewis Grizzard (1995). “Life Is Like a Dogsled Team . . . If You're Not the Lead Dog, the Scenery Never Changes: The Wit and Wisdom of Lewis Grizzard”, Longstreet Press

  810 Copy quote

• There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Love, Funny, Life

  Lewis Grizzard (1989). “Don't Bend Over in the Garden, Granny, You Know Them Taters Got Eyes”, Ballantine Books

  796 Copy quote

• I'd much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Smoking, Noses, Next

  802 Copy quote

• If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Feet, Nails, Georgia

  Lewis Grizzard (2012). “If I Ever Get Back to Georgia, I'm Gonna Nail My Feet to the Ground”, p.2, NewSouth Books

  744 Copy quote

• I finally figured it out, I finally figured out how to find some peace and happiness. I sure would hate for the man upstairs to take me now. But at least I did figure it out.

  Lewis Grizzard

  Hate, Men, Aging

  760 Copy quote

• Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell did you get a crazy idea like that? You been reading Redbook again?"

  Lewis Grizzard

  Crazy, Reading, Learning

  724 Copy quote

• I get letters from people who say, 'What have you got against women?' What could I possibly have against women? I've married three of them.

  Lewis Grizzard

  People, Letters, Three

  Lewis Grizzard (1990). “Gettin' it on: a down-home treasury”, BBS Publishing Corporation

  577 Copy quote

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