Joe E. Lewis Quotes

• I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drink, Amount

  48 Copy quote

• I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Tired, Doctors, Pills

  54 Copy quote

• I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Humor

  22 Copy quote

• You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Life, Living Once, You Only Live Once

  21 Copy quote

• I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Drinking, Beer

  Recalled on his death, 4 Jun1971.

  77 Copy quote

• There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Money, Poverty, One Thing

  9 Copy quote

• A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Men, Drunk, Alcohol

  10 Copy quote

• Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Dirty, Food

  18 Copy quote

• Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Men, Maturity, Gnarly

  8 Copy quote

• They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Glasses, Medicine, Needs

  17 Copy quote

• It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Money, Rich Or Poor

  8 Copy quote

• I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Money, Nerves

  15 Copy quote

• If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Sarcastic, Beer

  8 Copy quote

• I always wake up at the crack of ice.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Ice, Alcohol

  8 Copy quote

• You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!

  Joe E. Lewis

  Horse, Water, Floats

  10 Copy quote

• I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Golf, Play

  10 Copy quote

• I drink to forget I drink.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Alcohol, Ironic

  "Miss Charming's Guide for Hip Bartenders and Wayout Wannabes: Your Ultimate One-Stop Bar and Cocktail Resource". Book by Cheryl Charming, p. 137, 2006.

  11 Copy quote

• It pays to get drunk with the best people.

  Joe E. Lewis

  People, Drunk, Alcohol

  12 Copy quote

• I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Girl, Remember, Chasing

  25 Copy quote

• We can afford almost any mistake once.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Mistake

  5 Copy quote

• I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Men, Alcohol, Next

  9 Copy quote

• I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Drinking, Doctors, Alcohol

  6 Copy quote

• I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Alcohol, Bombs, Noise

  8 Copy quote

• Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Friendship, Humor

  14 Copy quote

• Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Baseball, Yankees, Steel

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 29 June 1958.

  7 Copy quote

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