I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
I always wake up at the crack of ice.
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
I drink to forget I drink.
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to roll over and float on his back, then you got something!
It pays to get drunk with the best people.
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors.
We can afford almost any mistake once.
I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for U.S. Steel.
I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
Boys, I have been rich and I have been poor, and believe me being rich is better.
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