Fred Allen Quotes

Quotes about:

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  52 Copy quote

• Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Business, Humor

  84 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Humor

  29 Copy quote

• Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Failure, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Criticism

  9 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Teamwork

  3 Copy quote

• Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Cities

  5 Copy quote

• I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Death, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Happiness

  15 Copy quote

• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Writing, Years

  13 Copy quote

• If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.

  Fred Allen

  Uplifting, Cutting, Worry

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.121, Pickle Partners Publishing

  9 Copy quote

• My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

  Fred Allen

  Agents, Headache, Percent

  2 Copy quote

• I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

  Fred Allen

  Graduation, Education, Laughter

  66 Copy quote

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Hard Work, Humor

  59 Copy quote

• After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

  Fred Allen

  Money, Aspirin, Radio

  5 Copy quote

• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

  51 Copy quote

• Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

  Fred Allen

  Party, Men, People

  53 Copy quote

• Hollywood is a great place if you're an orange.

  Fred Allen

  Art, Orange, Hollywood

  1 Copy quote

• Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

  Fred Allen

  Food, Cooking, Littles

  Fred Allen (2008). “Much Ado About Me”, p.200, Wildside Press LLC

  10 Copy quote

• During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Men

  "Sunday Observer; Brass Hat In Hand" by Russell Baker, www.nytimes.com. April 17, 1983.

  7 Copy quote

• Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

  Fred Allen

  Eye, Brain, Mind

  5 Copy quote

• He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  3 Copy quote

• If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Race

  6 Copy quote

• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

  8 Copy quote

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