Fred Allen Quotes

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• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  46 Copy quote

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• I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Death, Humor

  8 Copy quote

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• It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Happiness

  15 Copy quote

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• Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.

  Fred Allen

  Food, Cooking, Littles

  Fred Allen (2008). “Much Ado About Me”, p.200, Wildside Press LLC

  10 Copy quote

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• Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Failure, Humor

  10 Copy quote

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• If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.

  Fred Allen

  Uplifting, Cutting, Worry

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.121, Pickle Partners Publishing

  8 Copy quote

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• Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

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• A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Hard Work, Humor

  57 Copy quote

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• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

  50 Copy quote

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• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

  6 Copy quote

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• Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Business, Humor

  82 Copy quote

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• An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

  Fred Allen

  Business, Agency, Confusion

  12 Copy quote

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• Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Technology

  3 Copy quote

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• Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Mistake

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

  79 Copy quote

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• Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.

  Fred Allen

  Done, Radio, Mediums

  2 Copy quote

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• I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

  Fred Allen

  Graduation, Education, Laughter

  64 Copy quote

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• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Writing, Years

  11 Copy quote

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• A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Men, Gentleman

  7 Copy quote

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• To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

  Fred Allen

  Skins, Humans, Items

  0 Copy quote

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• He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.

  Fred Allen

  Anger, Use, Argument

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.134, Pickle Partners Publishing

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• The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Men

  3 Copy quote

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• It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.

  Fred Allen

  Love, Stay Strong, Goal

  50 Copy quote

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• California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Laughter, California

  American Magazine Dec. 1945, p. 120

  10 Copy quote

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• Television is the triumph of machine over people.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  4 Copy quote

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• What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  80 Copy quote

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