Fred Allen Quotes

Quotes about:

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  73 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Humor

  35 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Teamwork

  9 Copy quote

• You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Movie, Heart

  Quoted in J. R. Colombo, Wit and Wisdom of the Moviemakers (1979)

  26 Copy quote

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Hard Work, Humor

  68 Copy quote

• I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Letter to Groucho Marx, 12 June 1953

  10 Copy quote

• My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

  Fred Allen

  Dull, Tides, Hometown

  16 Copy quote

• Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  13 Copy quote

• Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Failure, Humor

  21 Copy quote

• A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

  Fred Allen

  Skins, Stories, Humans

  15 Copy quote

• If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Criticism

  14 Copy quote

• Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Cities

  14 Copy quote

• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

  59 Copy quote

• I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Memories, Names

  4 Copy quote

• She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Teacher, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• All that the comedian has to show for his years of work and aggravation is the echo of forgotten laughter.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Laughter, Humor

  Fred Allen (2009). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.240, Wildside Press LLC

  9 Copy quote

• It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Happiness

  20 Copy quote

• What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  85 Copy quote

• Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

  Fred Allen

  Eye, Brain, Mind

  10 Copy quote

• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Writing, Years

  20 Copy quote

• He was so narrow minded that if he fell on a pin it would blind him in both eyes.

  Fred Allen

  Sarcastic, Eye, Blind

  8 Copy quote

• My agent gets 10 percent of everything I get, except the blinding headaches.

  Fred Allen

  Agents, Headache, Percent

  6 Copy quote

• After quitting radio I was able to live on the money I saved on aspirins.

  Fred Allen

  Money, Aspirin, Radio

  11 Copy quote

• Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

  Fred Allen

  Party, Men, People

  57 Copy quote

• A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

  Fred Allen

  Humor, Men, Talking

  13 Copy quote

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