I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.
He always had a chip on his shoulder that he was ready to use to kindle an argument.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
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