Red Skelton Quotes

Quotes about:

• I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

  Red Skelton

  Looks, Half, Weight

  23 Copy quote

• All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

  Red Skelton

  Inspirational, Marriage, Mistake

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  95 Copy quote

• There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

  Red Skelton

  Memories, Humorous, Loss

  73 Copy quote

• I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

  Red Skelton

  Believe, People, Purpose

  74 Copy quote

• I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Names

  69 Copy quote

• Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

  Red Skelton

  Mind, Age, Old Age

  61 Copy quote

• Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

  Red Skelton

  Happiness, Laughter, Sadness

  84 Copy quote

• Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.

  Red Skelton

  Character, Television, Rooms

  42 Copy quote

• If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

  Red Skelton

  Smile, Silly, Heart

  94 Copy quote

• I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.

  Red Skelton

  Hate, Enemy, Ems

  21 Copy quote

• My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.

  Red Skelton

  Doctors, Dollars, Looks

  42 Copy quote

• Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  Red Skelton

  Letting Go, Hands, Wife

  24 Copy quote

• Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

  Red Skelton

  Funny, Running, Laughter

  106 Copy quote

• People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.

  Red Skelton

  Morning, Flower, Thinking

  64 Copy quote

• I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

  Red Skelton

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  42 Copy quote

• No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

  Red Skelton

  Happiness, Laughter, Heartache

  31 Copy quote

• A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months. ' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them. '

  Red Skelton

  School, Successful, Three

  18 Copy quote

• Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

  Red Skelton

  Mother, Dirty, Inspiration

  25 Copy quote

• I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done nothin'.

  Red Skelton

  Done, Politics, Politician

  13 Copy quote

• She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off

  Red Skelton

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  41 Copy quote

• She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

  Red Skelton

  Funny, Humor, Bread

  15 Copy quote

• Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

  Red Skelton

  Inspiration, Divorce, Numbers

  16 Copy quote

• I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.

  Red Skelton

  Vanity, Glasses, Curiosity

  40 Copy quote

• You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

  Red Skelton

  Birthday, Mind, Age

  13 Copy quote

• I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin

  Red Skelton

  Drinking, Guy, Next

  43 Copy quote

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