Jack Benny Quotes

Quotes about:

• No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

  Jack Benny

  Believe, People, Matter

  57 Copy quote

• Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Mind, Age, Matter

  63 Copy quote
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  My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

  Jack Benny

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  74 Copy quote

• I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Success, Crazy

  101 Copy quote

• A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

  Jack Benny

  Men, Rich, Shows

  52 Copy quote

• Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Elderly

  New York Times, 1974.

  56 Copy quote

• I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

  Jack Benny

  Funny Love, Love You, Romantic Love

  34 Copy quote

• Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

  Jack Benny

  Beautiful, Sports, Golf

  36 Copy quote

• Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

  Jack Benny

  Food, Cutting, Cooking

  28 Copy quote

• It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

  Jack Benny

  Knowing, Speak, Pauses

  41 Copy quote

• When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.

  Jack Benny

  Two, Giving, Dollars

  47 Copy quote

• I practice three hours daily on my violin so I won't get worse.

  Jack Benny

  Practice, Three, Violin

  25 Copy quote

• Comedy itself is based upon very old principles of which I can readily name seven. They are, in short: the joke, exaggeration, ridicule, ignorance, surprise, the pun, and finally, the comic situation.

  Jack Benny

  Ignorance, Names, Principles

  46 Copy quote

• A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Laughter, Children

  39 Copy quote

• I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

  Jack Benny

  Girl, Dinner, Trays

  32 Copy quote

• Modesty is my best quality.

  Jack Benny

  Quality, Modesty

  12 Copy quote

• Any man who would walk five miles through the snow, barefoot, just to return a library book so he could save three cents - that's my kind of guy.

  Jack Benny

  Book, Men, Snow

  6 Copy quote

• I'm living in a very modest place. I have a room over-looking beautiful Claridge's Hotel. I thought it was better than paying Claridge's prices and overlooking the dump I'm living in.

  Jack Benny

  Beautiful, Rooms, Dump

  23 Copy quote

• When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

  Jack Benny

  Comedian, Firsts, Shows

  TV Series "The Jack Benny Program", 1950.

  8 Copy quote

• Try to save something while your salary is small; it's impossible to save after you begin to earn more.

  Jack Benny

  Money, Trying, Salary

  17 Copy quote

• Everything good that happened to me happened by accident.

  Jack Benny

  Happened, Accidents

  22 Copy quote

• There's only five real people in Hollywood. Everyone else is Mel Blanc.

  Jack Benny

  Real, People, Hollywood

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  20 Copy quote

• I was born in Waukegan a long, long time ago. As a matter of fact, our rabbi was an Indian.

  Jack Benny

  Long, Matter, Facts

  28 Copy quote

• I gambled at the crap table all night and finally lost $8, but during that time the house gave me four drinks and two cigars, so it was still a lot cheaper than renting a room.

  Jack Benny

  Funny, Humorous, Night

  34 Copy quote

• The only way I'll ever get hurt in the casino is if there's an earthquake and a slot machine falls on my foot.

  Jack Benny

  Hurt, Fall, Earthquakes

  5 Copy quote

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