George Burns Quotes

Quotes about:

• 

  First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

  George Burns

  Funny, Happy Birthday, Humor

  148 Copy quote
• 

  Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Funny, Running

  Quoted in Life, Dec. 1979

  139 Copy quote
• 

  You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

  George Burns

  Funny, Hilarious, Retirement

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  165 Copy quote

• There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

  George Burns

  Morning, Silly, Wake Up

  152 Copy quote
• 

  I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Life, Time

  George Burns (1989). “How to live to be 100--or more: the ultimate diet, sex, and exercise book”, Plume

  139 Copy quote

• I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

  George Burns

  Morning, Names, Breakfast

  121 Copy quote
• 

  I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Cute, Positive

  166 Copy quote

• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

  George Burns

  Funny, Life, Humor

  101 Copy quote

• I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

  George Burns

  Funny, Music, Scotch

  George Burns (1980). “Living It Up”, Berkley

  124 Copy quote
• 

  You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

  George Burns

  Birthday, Optimistic, Wish

  George Burns, David Fisher (1990). “All my best friends”, Perigee

  102 Copy quote

• And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

  George Burns

  People, Lawyer, Blame

  93 Copy quote

• It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

  George Burns

  Clever, Drinking, Drunk

  132 Copy quote

• I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

  George Burns

  Happy Birthday, Elders

  95 Copy quote

• When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

  George Burns

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  George Burns (1986). “Dear George: advice & answers from America's leading expert on everything from A to B”, G K Hall & Co

  114 Copy quote

• In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

  George Burns

  Funny, Humor, Ice

  George Burns (1988). “Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed”, Putnam Publishing Group

  58 Copy quote

• If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

  George Burns

  Funny, Birthday, Death

  91 Copy quote

• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

  George Burns

  Love, Inspirational, Funny

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  155 Copy quote

• I'd rather be over the hill than under it.

  George Burns

  Hills, Over The Hill

  23 Copy quote

• I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Care, Ifs

  19 Copy quote

• I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

  George Burns

  Retirement, Age, Faces

  23 Copy quote

• I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.

  George Burns

  Funny, Witty, Complaining

  34 Copy quote

• Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

  George Burns

  Funny, Teacher, Witty

  76 Copy quote

• Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

  George Burns

  Sex, Trying, Rope

  38 Copy quote

• There's nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed.

  George Burns

  Light, Doors, Car

  George Burns (1986). “Dear George”, Perigee Books

  33 Copy quote

• It's no surprise that things are so screwed up: everyone that knows how to run a government is either driving taxicabs or cutting hair.

  George Burns

  Running, Cutting, Hair

  18 Copy quote

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