George Burns Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

  George Burns

  Funny, Humor, Good Woman

  "It's a Great Deal, All Three of Me Think So". Book by Bruce A. Rosenblat, 2009.

  26 Copy quote

• Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.

  George Burns

  Relationship, Funny Love, Love You

  George Burns (1988). “Gracie/Caeser Spec Ed”, Putnam Publishing Group

  94 Copy quote

• Sex after 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Even putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

  George Burns

  Sex, Trying, Rope

  38 Copy quote

• I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

  George Burns

  Funny, Humorous, Kids

  26 Copy quote

• I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Care, Ifs

  18 Copy quote

• At my age flowers scare me.

  George Burns

  Funny, Birthday, Flower

  George Burns (1991). “The Most of George Burns”, Bbs Publishing Corporation

  10 Copy quote

• I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

  George Burns

  Jogging, Martini, Spills

  23 Copy quote

• When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.

  George Burns

  Inspiring, Teamwork, Light

  116 Copy quote

• If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

  George Burns

  Taken, Doctors, Funeral

  49 Copy quote

• Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're 25, you can play singles. From 25 to 35, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were 28 men on the court - just on my side of the net.

  George Burns

  Men, Games, Play

  19 Copy quote

• If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

  George Burns

  Funny, Stress, Humor

  George Burns (1989). “How to live to be 100--or more: the ultimate diet, sex, and exercise book”, Plume

  85 Copy quote

• People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

  George Burns

  Birthday, Retirement, People

  61 Copy quote

• Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

  George Burns

  Funny, Humorous, Mean

  11 Copy quote

• I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.

  George Burns

  Feel Better, Love Is, Making Love

  21 Copy quote

• Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

  George Burns

  Bangs, Gang, Critics

  19 Copy quote

• Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do what you love to do for the rest of the day is beyond words. I'd rather be a failure in something I love than be successful in something I hate.

  George Burns

  Falling In Love, Hate, Successful

  43 Copy quote

• Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.

  George Burns

  Shoes, Size, Young

  71 Copy quote

• Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.

  George Burns

  Wisdom, Tired, Fighting

  George Burns (1980). “Living It Up”, Berkley

  94 Copy quote

• It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

  George Burns

  Funny, Sex, Dirty

  15 Copy quote

• I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.

  George Burns

  Being Thankful, Each Day, Stills

  15 Copy quote

• When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

  George Burns

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  26 Copy quote

• Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

  George Burns

  Funny, Success, Fake People

  86 Copy quote

• I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect.

  George Burns

  Age, Taught, Aging

  8 Copy quote

• Be quick to learn and wise to know.

  George Burns

  Inspirational, Wise, Learning

  17 Copy quote

• Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too.

  George Burns

  Strong, Nice, Ideas

  19 Copy quote

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