Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
The German mind has a talent for making no mistakes but the very greatest.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends