Sarcastic Quotes - Page 9

• He was trying to save both his faces.

  John Gunther

  Trying, Faces

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• The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter.

  Zero Mostel

  Laughter, Freedom, Comedian

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• Russell Brand has announced that he plans to write a series of children's books. First up: 'Horton Hears a Heroin Dealer.'

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Children, Humorous

  Twitter post from Apr 09, 2014

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• I see little hope for democracy as an effective form of government, but I admire the poetry of how it makes its victims complicit in their own destruction.

  Eliezer Yudkowsky

  Hope, Sarcasm, Government

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• Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!

  Mitch Hedberg

  Humorous, Comedian, Finding Yourself

  "Mitch Hedberg: Mitch All Together". Comedy, 2003.

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• That’s the American Dream: to make your life into something you can sell.

  Chuck Palahniuk

  Life, Dream, Money

  Chuck Palahniuk (2011). “Haunted”, p.52, Random House

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• But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny, who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life.

  Daniel Handler

  Baby, Congratulations, Sibling

  "The Penultimate Peril (A Series of Unfortunate Events, Book 12)". Book by Lemony Snicket (pen name of Daniel Handler), October 18, 2005.

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• I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sarcasm, Self

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.442, Courier Corporation

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• It's better to be a dictator than gay.

  Alexander Lukashenko

  Funny, Humorous, Gay

  "Guido Westerwelle, former German foreign minister, dies at 54" by Kate Connolly, www.theguardian.com. March 18, 2016.

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• If you think research is expensive, try disease!

  Mary Lasker

  Thinking, Trying, Research

  "The Lasker Legacy". www.laskerfoundation.org.

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• There are no nudists in cold areas.

  Tsugumi Ohba

  Funny, Humorous, Ironic

  Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata (2007). “Death note: Kindred spirit”, VIZ Media LLC

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• The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Sarcasm, Winning

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• Marriage is meant to be more about your surrender than about your satisfaction.

  Scott Means

  Love, Family, Marriage

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• Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

  Russell Lynes

  Wise, Stupid, Sarcasm

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• Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.

  Harold Wilson

  Dog, Fun, Insulting

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• You had to stand in line to hate him.

  Hedda Hopper

  Hate, Hate Him, Lines

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• Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

  Mark Twain

  Party, Sarcasm, Missing

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.328, Courier Corporation

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• God was bored by him.

  Victor Hugo

  Bored

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• All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

  George Orwell

  Funny, Sarcasm, Animal

  Animal Farm ch. 10 (1945) See Bierce 141

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• Where others have hearts, he carries a tumor of rotten principles.

  Jack London

  Heart, Principles, Rotten

  "Workers have been banned from calling out 'scab'. Where are the freedom senators?" by Jeff Sparrow, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2016.

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• Nature, not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.

  A. E. Housman

  Writing, Thinking, Ability

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• You can always tell who went to catholic school, because they're atheists.

  Mike Birbiglia

  Education, Religious, Atheist

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• So boring you fall asleep halfway through her name.

  Alan Bennett

  Fall, Names, Boring

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• It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

  Paul Newman

  Witty, Sarcasm, Black

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• I've been in more laps than a napkin.

  Mae West

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said" by Robert Byrne, #685, 2006.

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